


i’ll never stop choosing you babe, i’ll never get used to you

by redsweater



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: A boy and a girl, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Fingering, Infidelity, Kid Fic, M/M, Role Playing, Smut, Spanking, also other issues which i won't spoil cause sl, and liam is a teacher, d/s relationship in the bedroom, domestic AU, equals outside of it, forgot to mention, mentions of fisting (omg what), slight daddy kink, slight larry - Freeform, they have money issues, they have twins, with a happy ending, zayn a editor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-27
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-01-21 00:19:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 37,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1531034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redsweater/pseuds/redsweater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you think the kids will ever get sick of chicken?” Zayn asks.</p><p>“If they’re anything like you, then nope,” Liam says, popping the ‘p’.</p><p> Zayn shakes his head fondly. “I’m gonna go play with them. Call us when it’s ready.”</p><p>“You’re not going to help me set the table?” Zayn jogs off, “I think I hear Max crying.”</p><p> </p><p>zayn and liam are happily married until they're not</p>
            </blockquote>





	i’ll never stop choosing you babe, i’ll never get used to you

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to wowziam for being my Beta, I am very thankful ♥♥♥
> 
> warning(kinda): there's angst in the middle/end, but then its happy again, so it's all good :) 
> 
>    
> All mistakes are my own.

“Gaby, it’s time to wake up,” Liam softly whispers into his daughter’s ear.

 She groans and turns around, her eyes fluttering open, wide and full of innocence. Liam combs her mahogany silk hair out of her face and leans down to kiss her. “Morning sunshine.”

 “I’m tired, Daddy,” Gaby mumbles, a pout on her lips.

 “And why is that?” Liam questions.

 “Because…” Liam raises his eyebrow. “Baba let me stay up with him last night.”

 “Well, Baba shouldn’t have done that. Now up you get. Max is already downstairs and I think he will eat all of your cocoa puffs.”

 Gaby abruptly jumps up out of bed. “I told him they’re mine.” Then she runs off. Liam chuckles, making her bed than stalks off to find Zayn.  Who, of course, is sleeping.

 “Rise and shine Sleeping Beauty,” Liam coos loudly, walking over towards the blinds and wrenching them open.

 Zayn rolls away from the light. “Fuck off, Liam,” he grumbles.

 “It’s nearly 7.40, I have a teachers meeting this morning and you promised me you’d take the kids to nursery."

 “I did, didn’t I?” Zayn sighs and slowly gets up, pushing his fingers through his hair. He looks up and annoyance settles in his features. Liam smiles before coming over to sit on his lap.

 “Don’t be mad at me, baby.” Liam presses kisses onto Zayns neck.

 Zayn lifts his neck up, giving Liam more access. “I really can’t be mad at you.”

 “No, you can’t,” Liam mumbles into his skin. He shifts so either side of his legs are around Zayn’s waist.

 “You’re stressed more than usual,” Liam states, pressing his fingers into Zayns tense shoulder.

 Zayn exhales, “Work is being a bitch.”

 “Anything I could do to help?”

 Zayn smiles, then leans forward to press a kiss to Liam’s lips. “Just being here is more than enough.”

 “Love you,” Liam says before getting off his husband.

 “Hey,” Zayn pouts. Gaby clearly got the pouting technique from Zayn, Liam thinks.  “No more kisses?” 

Liam shakes his head. “You let your daughter sleep late last night. This is your punishment.”

Zayn scoffs, “I’d rather you spanked me for punishment.”

Liam comes back over to Zayn and bends down, lips just hovering over his. “Maybe tonight,” he teases before walking out.

 

“I’m older than you,” Max screeches.

“Hey.” Liam snaps, no trace of anger in this tone though. “Stop fighting and eat your food.”

 “I’m older and that’s final.” Gaby utters, before flicking her hair behind her back. Liam shakes his head fondly and Max rolls his eyes.

 “Daddy’s younger than me, Maxi,” Zayn says walking into the kitchen looking really fucking sexy, Liam thinks. He’s dressed in a well fitted black suit, the white button up shirt and blue tie bringing out his lean body. His quiff is slightly gelled back, the blonde tips blending well with rest of his dark hair.

  “You’re looking extra nice today,” Liam comments.

 Zayn kisses Gaby on the cheek and ruffles Max’s hair before placing a kiss to his forehead.

 “I want this book.” Zayn says before heading over to the coffee maker.

 Liam nods and goes back to eating his toast. He glares at Gaby and Max when he notices them kicking one another under the table. They stop and smile innocently at him.

 “Like I was saying--,” Zayn joins them at the table. “Daddy is younger than me Max and there is nothing wrong with that.” 

“So I’m older like you, Baba?” Gaby asks. 

Zayn pinches her cheeks, “Yes, you are.” A big grin spreads across Gaby’s face and her pale cheeks fill with red.

 “Keep sleeping late and you’ll look like Baba too, sweetie.” Liam breaks in.

 “It won’t happen again, Liam.” Zayn sighs, sipping his coffee and taking out his iPhone.

They eat breakfast together. Max and Gaby continuing to argue about nonsense while Liam attempts to stop them and Zayn keeps his eyes attached on his phone.

“Okay, I’m going now. Say goodbye.” Liam says, lips out ready for a kiss. Max and Gaby both jump from their chairs, leaning into Liam’s crouched position to cuddle and kiss him goodbye.

 “You’ll be home for dinner?” Liam turns to ask Zayn.

 He looks up from his phone, “Yeah boo.” Liam leans down and captures Zayn’s lips, kissing him softly before pulling back and giving a wink to the children before leaving.

 

 

Liam had always liked helping people. He liked to guide someone if they were lost on the busy streets of London, or quiet roads of Wolverhampton. He liked to teach and see someone excel because he taught them how. He loved the feeling when somebody exceeded because he was there to mentor them. Becoming a teacher was always Liam’s intention.

 Sure he had the off days, where he felt over worked, too stressed to handle teenagers and their attitudes to the education system. But he just had to take a step back and remember he was once in their position and giving up on these kids, was the last thing he should ever do.

  Liam taught physical education and music, his two biggest passions growing up. He wanted to be inspired when he came to work, so his students felt important. He could’ve studied English or geography. But he knew his heart would never be in it, and who becomes a teacher if they weren’t prepared to be committed, Liam always thought.

 “Take my detention class tomorrow at lunch and I’ll love you forever.”

 Liam looks up from his phone and blinks at Harry. “Your love stopped being worthy a long time ago.”

 Harry sits down across from him, and places his hand under his chin. “I’ll babysit next time you need me.” Harry offers.

 Liam sits back on his chair, placing his hands behind his head. “Why are you so desperate to get rid of this detention?” Liam asks amused.

 “Excuse me, Liam.” Harry says.

 Liam scrunches his face up. “Did you just say that for the sake of saying that to get out of answering my question?”

 Harry leans forward and grabs his container of chicken. “Maybe…”

 Liam leans forward and takes his container back. “You’re acting more unusual today. It’s making me feel uncomfortable.”

 Harry has a sly smile placed on his face. “Take my dentition class tomorrow and I’ll tell you what’s going on.”

 “I’m just going to take it so you can stop being so...weird,” Liam says.

 Harry grins, the dimples in his cheeks becoming more defined. “Thank you, thank you.” He gets up, leaning over and tries to kiss Liam all over his face.

 “Dude.” Liam gazes around, eyeing some of the teachers who are glaring at them. If they were in high school, Liam and Harry would be at the bottom of the food chain, the loners in the corner, who sit on the rejected table.

 Liam hadn’t known Harry wasn’t very liked at this school when he first got the job. But he was the first to welcome him and sure Harry’s weird, a bit unusual and different compared to some (all) of the teachers, but Liam stayed in Harry’s one man wolf club, happy to be a part of his individuality.

 “Wait.” Harry says, squinting down at Liam. “Why didn’t you take my offer on babysitting your kids?”

 “The last time you babysat them, Max was naked and covered in paint dancing to John Lennon.” Liam recalls.

 Harry groans. “You and Zayn need to move on from that, it was one year ago.”

 “Harry,” Liam deadpans. “Gaby refused to sleep at night until we all did yoga.”

 “Well good, if I’m being honest. Yoga is healthy and you should learn from your daughter more often.”

 Liam rolls his eyes and gets up to leave. “I’ll take your detention tomorrow lunch. Good luck with whatever you’re up to.”

 “Thank you, Liam! This is why I love you the most.” Harry calls after him, obviously intending for the faculty to hear.

 

**-**

Zayn enters the bright conference room and makes his way over to his boss, Luke. He sits at the long black glass table, across from Josh Marvin. He combs his fingers through his quiff, loosens his tie a bit and gets straight into action.

 “You know we want you, Josh. So tell us what you want from us.” Zayn demands politely.

  Josh bites his lip. His blonde hair is short and combed over to the side. His blue eyes lack any depth, the darkness under them making him appear older than twenty-three.

 “I don’t want my book to become mainstream.” Josh states. 

Zayn wants to scoff. Josh wants a book deal, but doesn’t want it to become popular. He wants it to sell, but not too much. Zayn closes his eyes and focuses on not losing his temper. He reopens his eyes and brittles softly.  “I can’t guarantee your book won’t become popular, because it is an amazing piece of work.  But I will try my very best to make sure it doesn’t become mainstream.” Zayn tries to reason.

 His boss, Luke, coughs beside him.  Zayn feels pressure collide into him from all ends. He wants to fling himself off the building and land in a pit of darkness for a few days.

 “What Mr. Malik is trying to say, Josh, is that he’ll make sure it’s popular enough to sell, but not popular enough to get noticed for movie deals.” Luke says.

 Zayn’s face tightens. How was he supposed to make a promise like that? It’s impossible to stop a book from becoming famous, particularly if it’s good and especially if his job was to make sure it became well known.

 Josh looks like he is considering the offer for the third time these past two weeks, then shakes his head. “I really need to think about this.”

 Zayn nods and follows suit when Josh begins to stand. “Understandable. Take your time and contact me anytime if you have any new questions.”

 Josh beams at him and takes out his hand to shake. “Thanks Mr. Malik. You’re really kind about all of this.”

 Zayn snickers, “Please, call me Zayn. And you’re very welcome.”

 He calls for his assistant Maggie to lead Josh out. Zayn slumps back into the chair, banging his head on the glass table.

 “Zayn.” Luke snaps.

 Fuck me, Zayn thinks.  He pries his head up and looks to his boss’ stern face. “You fucked it up for us.”

 Zayn is taken back. “No I didn’t. I’m trying to be honest about this contract.”

 “The way you’re going, we won’t even get the contract. You need to make him believe we’ll do everything he wants, even if it’s impossible.”

 “I don’t want to give false expectations,” Zayn argues.

 “This books is very, very good.” Luke sits beside Zayn and twists his chair around to face him. “If we signed him up, this book could make us all a lot of money.”

 Zayn messages his temple. “I don’t know what else to offer him.”

 “I hired you because you’re smart, edgy and good looking.” Zayn raises his eyebrow at the last comment. “I’m sure you’ll find a way to sign him up with us.”

 “I’ll see what else I can do.” Zayn supplies .

 Luke smiles, “Good man.” He gets up. “As long as he doesn’t sign up for WPU, I’m happy.”

 Zayn waves him off and goes back to resting his head on the desk. He knows what’s expected of him and if he has to hear about his competitors one more time, he may harm himself.

Zayn loves his job, enjoys the good qualities that are involved with his occupation. But times like these, when he becomes stressed, he forgets why he ever decided to become a book editor. His boss, Luke, is constantly riding on his back, making him read manuscripts, find the best ones, edit them and book clientele meetings, offering  fame and power, even if their book won’t give them all that they’re promised. Zayn hates what he has become, a lying working man, giving false hope to people with talent.  But he thinks of the money and he thinks of his family and the guilty feeling is overpowered by the love he has for them.

 

“Maggie, did you give Josh my personal contact number?” he calls into the front desk.

 “Yes, Mr. Malik. He blushed.”

 “He blushed?” Zayn asks, thinking he heard wrong.

 “Yes. His cheeks filled with red.”

 Zayn laughs, “That’s cute of him.”

 “Very. Also Luke is having some more manuscripts sent to you and he wants them read by next Friday.” Maggie announces.

 Zayn exhalations, “Of course he does. Leave them on my desk and I’ll take some home with me.” He hangs up and checks his phone.

 He has a missed call from Liam and two snapchats. He opens them up and it’s of Liam pouting with the caption _‘miss you’_ and another one of one of his students in class sleeping, the caption saying _‘you’_

Zayn laughs and takes a photo of himself smiling and places a monkey emoji as the caption before sending it to Liam.

 

 By five-thirty Zayn is dead. He wants to go home eat, play with his kids and fall into a deep slumber. If only it was that easy.

 When he gets home Max and Gaby are in the lounge room fighting over the remote control to the TV. He leans down and snatches it out of their tiny fingers.

 “Baba!” Max cries out.

 Zayn shakes his head. “Go play with the hundred toys you have.”

 They both get up and stomp off towards their room. Zayn shakes his head and removes his shoes near the front door before going into the kitchen. He wraps his arms around Liam from behind, nuzzling his face into his back.

 “Missed you,” Zayn mumbles into Liam’s shoulder.

 Liam twists around, squeezing his fingers into his slim waist. Zayn closes his eyes and presses his head against Liam’s chest.

 “Work that bad?” Liam says, a sadness to his tone.

 “Nothing I’m not used to.”

 Liam removes his hands and places them sympathetically onto Zayn cheeks, pulling him forward so their lips hover over one another. “You shouldn’t be used to stress.” Liam declares before pressing his chapped lips against his own. Zayn moans and lets Liam lead the kiss, content just standing there doing nothing.

 Liam pulls away once the fryer makes a loud rustling sound. “We’re having chicken stir fry tonight.”

 “Do you think the kids will ever get sick of chicken?” Zayn asks.

 “If they’re anything like you, then nope,” Liam says, popping the ‘p’.

 Zayn shakes his head fondly. “I’m gonna go play with them. Call us when it’s ready.”

 “You’re not going to help me set the table?”

 Zayn jogs off, “I think I hear Max crying.”

 

 After dinner, the kids want to play more. Liam has to mark some papers so Zayn offers up his assistance.

 “Baba, you’re the evil king who is going to hurt Max.” Gaby states fiercely. Zayn worries about what her attitude will be like when she hits puberty.  “Max, I will save you.”

 Max sits on the ground and crosses his arms over his chest and his face scrunches up in annoyance.

 “What’s wrong, love?” Zayn asks, moving away from his spot on the bed and collecting Max in his arms.

 “I want to be evil.” He pouts.

 Zayn laughs and squeezes him tight. “Okay, all you had to do was say so. No need to get upset.”

 Gaby groans, “You’re ruining my game.”

 “Be fair Gab. I’ll be the good king and you can save me.” Zayn suggests happily.

 Gaby sighs, then nods her head. “Okay. Max get up on the bed.” She demands.

 Max beams and gets on the bed.

 “Action!” Gaby yells out.

  “Save me Princess Gabrielle. The evil Max-motor is coming after me!” Zayn fake cries.

 “Don’t worry King Baba, I’ll protect you!” Gaby says in fierce voice. She gets out her play purple sword and points it to Max, who has his tiny fingers latched onto Zayns hair, holding him ‘hostage.’

 “Let go of King Baba and I won’t kill you.”

 Max makes an evil laugh. “If you hurt me, King Baba gets hurt too!”

 Gaby gasps out loud and does a ninja sound before grabbing Zayn's hand and pulling him forward. Zayn topples over easily.

 “ _Hey,”_ Max drawls out. “You just stole Baba from me.”

 “I was saving him.” Gaby points out.

 Max gets up and pushes Gaby, making her stumble onto the ground. She begins to cry and Max runs out of the room.

 “Max, come back here!” Zayn yells. He goes to pick up Gaby in his arms and cuddle her. “I think it’s bath and then bed time.”

 “No, I wanna play more,” Gaby cries out.

 Zayn shakes his head, “Tomorrow, sweet.”

 He finds Max with Liam at the computer table. “Max, apologize to your sister now.” Zayn says sternly.

 Liam looks up from his paperwork, “and here I thought my son just wanted to hang with me.”

 Zayn shakes his head fondly, putting Gaby down. Max walks over to her. “I’m sorry I pushed you.” He says with his head bowed. Gaby seems to accept that and smiles.

 “Bath time!” she screeches, running off into the direction of the bathroom.

 

After bath time, Liam and Zayn put the kids to bed. It’s a nightly process. Zayn will read Max a story and vice versa. Than they swap and Gaby will tell Zayn about her day and vice versa. Than they creep out and hope they fall asleep straight away. It doesn’t always happen, since they hear them talking to each other or bickering. It only lasts for five minutes before one of them passes out first.

 They walk quietly to their room down the hallway, hoping not to step in any creaks on the floorboards. Once they’ve showered themselves, they get into bed and put the TV on.  It’s only nine-thirty, neither one actually able to fall asleep at this time, even though their bodies would love-- even need it.

 Zayn is reading the manuscript while Liam is scrolling through the channels on the TV. “Harry was more weird today than usual.” Liam says, making conversation.

 “Is that even possible?” Zayn asks.

 Liam sniggers, “Apparently.”

 They fall back into comfortable silence, but Liam is never one to not converse before bed.

 “How is the book deal going, is Luke still on your back?”

 Zayn puts down the big book and turns to Liam. “I think we may get the book deal. Our client is learning to trust us, that’s all. Hopefully it doesn’t take too long for us to sign the contract.”

 “Haven’t you been trying to sign this person’s book for a month now?”

 Zayn nods, “Yeah, but that’s normal. I’d start to worry after three months, or so.”

 Zayn’s always loved this about Liam. The interest he has in Zayn’s work and his quality to remember tiny details.  Liam’s always been a good shoulder to lean on when times got tough for Zayn and work.

 When he first became an intern at a publishing company, Liam was the one who provided money for the both of them. Or when he finally got a paying job at his first publishing company, it wasn’t the best pay and Zayn felt like shit. Liam was a constant reassurance that things will get better, and not to give up on what he loves.  He didn’t and here he was today, working at ‘ **Publish Establish’** a company based in Wolverhampton, Leeds and London. At first he’d gotten the job in London and worked there for one year. But after Zayn and Liam found a surrogate, they knew they couldn’t have their kids growing up in such a busy city. So they moved to Wolverhampton. It was perfect since this was Liam’s home town and they were hiring for an editor in the office down here anyway.

 Liam being a teacher, found a job easily at Wolverhampton’s main secondary school.  Nine months later they were given twins, a boy and a girl-- Gabrielle and Max Malik-Payne.  With the help of Liam and Zayn’s own parents, they made it by. Parenthood was not easy, Zayn stands by that. But the feeling you get when you see your child walk for the first time, or say Baba for the first time, is such an extraordinary feeling, Zayn would do it over and over again. It’s more special, because Liam was beside him. He tries to picture a world where Liam doesn’t exist. Maybe a world with a wife, and his own children, with his own DNA and he can’t picture it.

 In every world he imagines, Liam is alway next to him.

 

“What are you reading now?” Liam leans over, peaking at the heavy weight of papers on top of his lap.

 “New books I have to read. Luke left five on my desk and it needs to be done by next Friday.”

 Liam scoffs, “What an arsehole.” He moves over and wiggles his way under Zayns bum. Zayn fits himself in between Liam’s open legs and presses his back against his chest.

 “I’ll massage you, and you can continue reading.”

 “ _Mmk_ ,” Zayn moans at the feel of Liam’s touch.

 “If you read a good amount before we sleep, I’ll suck your dick.” Liam whispers along his ear, biting at the lobe.

 “ _Liam_ ,” Zayn drags out. “No teasing.”

 Liam chuckles. “Time is a virtue, C’mon.”

 

**-**

It’s finally the weekend and Liam feels the weight lifted off his shoulders knowing he is able to sleep in. However, at exactly eight o’clock in the morning he feels a sudden pressure on his stomach. He keeps his eyes closed, hoping the kids will let him sleep in for a little while longer. It doesn’t work though because Max begins to tickle him.

 “C’mon Daddy, wake up!”

 Liam shakes his head and grumbles, “Daddy sleepy.”

 Beside him he hears Zayn stir and turn away under the covers. Liam does feel sympathetic for Zayn, he really does. But how come he can sleep in and Liam can’t.

 “Where’s Gaby?” Liam asks, opening his eyes and seeing an oval shaped face in front of him. Max’s hazel eyes are wide and he has a crooked smile on his thin lips.

 “Downstairs eating ice-cream,” Max states.

 Liam groans, “She better not be or no TV for a week.”

 “Do you want me to go tell her?” Max asks.

 Liam nods, “Please.”

 Max grins and hops of Liam’s stomach, then onto the mattress, then onto the carpet. “Can I hit her if she doesn’t listen to me?”

 “No!” Liam calls out. “Tell her politely and she should listen. I’ll be down soon.”

 Max nods his head and marches out of the room, a pursuit in his stance.

 Liam sinks under the warm covers and exhales. He doesn’t want to get up. He misses the days he was able to sleep in. He took them for granted, he supposes. He remembers being nineteen, wasting his days skipping class and sleeping in with Zayn beside him. He wonders how he got a degree in teaching, since the day he met Zayn, his life has always revolved around him.

 Liam traces his fingers along Zayn’s back, dances his way down along his spine, until he reaches his tiny bum.

 Zayn makes a sound, and Liam ignores it. He rolls onto his side, fitting his body into the curve of Zayns’ sleeping frame.

 “Are you going to wake up today?” Liam asks, sucking Zayn’s neck.

 Zayn shakes his head, “No.”

 “So… does that mean I can take the children to see my parents?”

 Zayn huffs out and turns over so they’re face to face, their noses grazing one another. Liam gives Zayn a cautious smile, “Unless you wake up and we could do something altogether.”

 “Go see your parents; I know they probably miss them.”

 “I feel bad,” Liam says.

 Zayn leans up and kisses Liam, slipping his tongue against his own and sucking the words out of his mouth. They kiss until they have to breathe.

 Liam licks his wet lips and Zayn grins. “Now I’m horny.”

 Liam rolls his eyes. “You changed the subject by kissing me. No fair.”

 “Don’t feel bad boo, this will give me a good chance to finish more of the manuscripts.” Zayn reassures.

 Liam nods slowly before leaning forward for another a kiss. He breaks away when he hears Gaby scream.

 “That’s my signal to go,” Liam says out of breath, mouth red and cock half-hard. He presses his palm onto his erection, willing it go away. He quickly washes his face and brushes his teeth before stomping off down the corridor into the kitchen.

 

“Max! Gaby!” he snaps, but his tone is playful.

 Max and Gaby giggle when they see him walk into the kitchen, hiding behind the dining table together.

 “Where did my children go?” Liam pretends to look around. “Are they in the fridge?” He asks out loud, opening the refrigerator door. He hears more giggles. “They’re not in here.”

 He walks over to the pantry, “They must be in here!” he declares loudly. He hears more giggles and a quick _Shh_. Before tiptoeing around the dining table and squatting down, screaming, “ _Boo!_ ”

 Max and Gaby yell and begin to run away, Liam chasing them around the lounge room and back into the kitchen.

 He catches up to them and effortlessly picks up Gaby, holding her up and tickling her stomach. “I got you, you little rascal.”

 Gaby is laughing breathlessly, “You got me Daddy.” He tickles her some more, her high pitched laughter filling the blank walls with sunshine. Liam would be happy to hear that joyful laugh over and over for the rest of his life.

 “My turn, my turn,” Max chants. He is looking up, a broad grin on his face. His hands are up above his head, making a grabbing gesture.

 He plops Gaby down then turns to Max. Liam swoop’s him up into his arms and tickles him on the belly. Max laughs fruity; it’s strong and deep in a pleasant way.

 “Okay, breakfast time!” Liam places Max down and they run to the table, sitting down, eagerly awaiting their cereal.

 After Liam’s made his coffee he joins them at the table. “Who wants to go see grandma and grandpa today?” Liam asks excitedly.

 “Me,” they both mumble in sync, mouths full.

 “Is Baba coming?” Max asks when he has swallowed his food.

 Liam pouts, “Not today sweetie.”

 “Why not?” Gaby drawls out.

 “He has to finish off some work stuff. But when we come home, we can have play time with him.”

 “Baba is better at playtime than you are,” Gaby states.

 “Thanks babe,” Liam deadpans.

 Gaby smiles, “You’re welcome Daddy.”

 Liam huffs out a snicker, amusement on his face. Once they finish up eating, they go and get ready. They all kiss Zayn goodbye and scream _I love you_ before heading out. It’s quite windy today but Liam thanks the clouds above, it isn’t raining. It’s always harder to put them into their seats when its wet and they want to jump around in the puddles.

 

When they arrive to Liam’s parents’ house, the kids storm into the house with loud cheerful screams and egger stories to tell.

  “--and then Rosie wouldn’t let me play in the sand castle with her, so-- so Max built me a princess tower with blocks and then Rosie wanted to play and because I’m nice I said yes but she wasn’t allowed to be a princess only I was.” Gaby splutters out to her grandma, wide eyes and open arms.

 “Daddy has taught you well,” Liam’s mum, Karen, says.

 Gaby shakes her head. “Baba taught me that being kind is important, even if people aren’t kind to you. That’s why I had to be nice to Rosie.”

 Liam’s mum’s face drops at mention of ‘Baba’. Liam feels anger sizzle within but tries to control his composure around the kids.

 “Speaking of Zayn, where is he?”

 “He’s work-- ” Liam begins to say but Max cuts him off.  “He’s sleeping. When we get back home we can have play time with him.”

 Karen eyebrows lift up, “Sleeping, huh?”

 Liam breathes out harshly. “Kids go play with Grandpa in the lounge room; Daddy needs to speak with Grandma.”

 They run off squealing into the other room and Liam follows his mum into the kitchen.

 “Tea, love?” She asks.

 “I’m fine. Thanks,” Liam spits out.

 Karen turns around to him, her face showing no emotion.

 “It’s been seven years, are you ever going to stop disliking my husband?”

 Karen snorts and it’s like a slap to Liam’s face, unexpected and painful.

 “I don’t know what he did for you to treat him so rudely. But he is the father of my children and _your_ grandchildren, so for the love of god, stop fucking disrespecting him.”

 “No swearing under my roof, and I hope you don’t use that type of language in front of the kids.” Liam rolls his eyes and waits for his mother to continue. “I am polite to him; he just doesn’t seem to grasp that I’m not going to be up his buttocks, like you.”

 Liam blinks. “Do you ever hear yourself when you speak? You hate my husband becauseI suck up his arse?”

 “I dislike _Zayn_ , because this wasn’t the life you were meant to have and yet, here we all are.”

 “It’s not Zayn’s fault I’m gay mum. I can’t change who I am.”

 “Trust me I know.” Pause. “Look, I’ve accepted the fact that you are gay. I accepted the fact that Zayn proposed to you after one year of dating each other. But I cannot accept the fact that you married him, Liam, _and then_ had kids with him.”

 “I proposed to him,” Liam quietly says.

 “What?” Karen asks.

 Liam speaks louder, “I proposed to him. _Me_. I asked him to marry me because I love him. I was also the one who suggested having kids because as you well know, anal sex doesn’t create children.” Karen twinges at the word anal and Liam feels joy bubble in him. “The only reason I still accept you in my life is because of the kids, but continue to disregard my husband’s feelings and you will lose us forever, mum.”

 Karen’s jaw is locked, her eyes glaring at her son.  “Picking Zayn over your family, Liam, how nice of you.”

 “Zayn is my family.” Liam snaps. He walks out, feeling giddy he had the last word. He leans on the door way and watches the children sit on his dad’s lap telling him stories with wild hand gestures and funny facial expressions.

 Then, Liam walks up the stairs and into his old bedroom. He sits on the edge of his bed and wills himself not to cry.

 He doesn’t understand why his parents hate Zayn, especially his mother. His father grew to respect him, but Liam’s mum has always worn her hatred for Zayn so visibly. She wears it on her sleeve, like Zayn wears his heart on his sleeve.

 He thinks of Zayn’s family and how accepting they are, even though they’re Muslim. Liam didn’t grow up in a really big Catholic household. He didn’t attend church every Sunday, didn’t pray every night. He wasn’t a faithful follower; he just celebrated Christmas and Easter, because it was the thing _to do_.  But Liam admits he's gay and suddenly his parents act like they’ve always been religious people.

 Liam feels an icky feeling begin to stir in his stomach, he feels nauseous and angry. He wants to scream, but he also wants to cry. It’s like no matter how hard he tries, his parents won’t love Zayn and each time they put him down, something grows within Liam. This resentment that had started since the day he told them he was gay. It grows larger whenever they mention something spiteful to or about Zayn.

 Liam knows one day he will cut them out of his life for good. Ban his children from ever seeing them, because no child should ever be around that kind of poison. But Liam has hoped that _maybe_ , someday they will change. They may learn to accept and appreciate Zayn. Liam scoffs. He also hoped to be a millionaire that lived in New York, but he grew older and realized fantasies aren’t always meant to happen in reality.

 After Liam’s composes himself, he sends a snap of himself making a duck face to Zayn. He writes the caption ‘miss you’ and heads back downstairs. Harry was the one who got him into snapchat. Liam first laughed at how childish it was to be using the app, but after a few photos, it became addictive and a good way for Zayn and Liam to be kinky, even if only for just 10 seconds.

 

Liam’s sister and nephew end up arriving an hour after they come, so Liam and the kids end up staying more than intended. On the way home Liam stops to get Chinese food-- extra honey chicken for Zayn, because it’s his favourite and he feels guilty. He still keeps in contact with his parents, even though they put Zayn down. Liam thinks he may be a coward, and he should just let them go before it becomes worse.

 When they arrive home, the kids run into the house screaming for Zayn. He lets them go play while he sets dinner up. It’s Saturday so they eat In front of the TV, watching a movie the kids choose. This week it’s Max’s turn.

 “What do you want to watch, son?” Zayn asks, setting up his and Gaby’s plate on their toddler table. It’s like a picnic table, but plastic and colourful.

 Max taps his finger on his lip, a habit Liam knows Max picked up from him. “Meet the Robinsons!” Max grins happily.

 Gaby groans. “We always watch that.”

 Max’s lips tremble and before he begins to cry, Zayn steps in. “Don’t be nasty, Gaby. I love this movie, so I’m excited to watch it.” Zayn smiles, leaning down to ruffle Max’s brown small curls.

 “Me too,” Liam chimes.

 Once they’re all seated in place. Liam and Zayn on the dark brown sofa **,** pressed side by side with two small tables in front of them. Max and Gaby in front of Zayn and Liam seated in their picnic table which is lower than the sofa.

 They press play and eat their Chinese food. Liam and Zayn have both seen this movie more than enough times, so Liam begins to tickle Zayns thigh. Zayn looks over to him, shooting him a glare. Liam ignores him and continues to trace his fingers up Zayns thigh, past his hip and into his stomach.

 Zayn giggles out loud, which has Max and Gaby turning around in sync and scowling at him to _shh_. Liam smirks to himself. “You’ll pay for that,” Zayn whispers, breathing hot and heavy down his back.

 Liam raises his eyebrow. “How?”

 Zayn is the one now smirking. Liam rolls his eyes and goes back to watching the movie.  They continue to play fight throughout the movie, until Gaby notices and jumps on Liam telling him to stop hitting Baba. This has Max getting up and jumping onto of Gaby, telling her to not hit Daddy.

 They all play fight and roll around giggling before Liam and Zayn look up to each other and smile, their eyes radiating on the same wave length. Zayn counts out first. “One.”

 The kids widen their eyes and try to wiggle out of their dads hands. “Two.” Liam says.

 “No!”

 The kids’ squeal in sync, just as Zayn and Liam both shout out, “Three!”

 Zayn and Liam lean down and tickle their kids in the stomach. The kids begin to cry out giggling, panting for them to stop but when they do, the kids pout. Zayn and Liam lean down to tickle them once more.

 Liam looks up to the clock, out of breathe and realizes its half past eight. The kids are usually bathed by now, getting ready for bed. Zayn follows Liam gaze and understanding settles in his eyes.

 The both get up and run off to the bathroom, the last place the kids will look. They hear the kids calling out their names, but ignore in favour of getting the bath ready.

 “I’m so unfit,” Zayn pants out, turning on the bath and placing Johnson’s baby washinto the water.

 Liam laughs, out of breathe himself. “I don’t know if we’re unfit, or if the kids are just excessively active.”

 “Speaking of, we have about ten seconds before they come and see us than try to hide. Who has who?” Zayn asks.

 “I’ll take Max, he responds better to me at night.”

 Zayn scoffs, “You’re such a shit talker, love. You just know Gaby will be harder to contain.”

 Liam wriggles his eyebrows before tiptoeing behind the door. Zayn follows suit. Three seconds later the kids walk in slowly, “Daddy? Baba?” Gaby calls out.

 Zayn jumps out behind the door, startling Gaby for a second before she begins to laugh and try and run away, but Zayn already has a hold on her. “Oh, no you don’t.”

 “No!” Gaby screams. “I don’t want to bath.”

 Liam grabs onto to Max before he can run away, giving him another tickle. “You always get me Daddy,” Max giggles, willing to taking his clothes off and getting ready for bath time.

 “Batman is smart,” Liam states.

 Max eyes widen and he turns to Zayn and Gaby before quickly looking back to Liam. “Don’t say it too loud. Baba and Gaby don’t know your secret, remember.”

 Liam nods, “It’s just ours, little buddy. Now come on, in you go.” Liam picks Max up and pretends to fly him into the bath, placing him carefully into the half-filled tub.

 Max begins to splash about, and Gaby watches with tear filled eyes before pouting and pulling her hands up, allowing Zayn to remove her jumper and the rest of her clothes.

 

Bath time is easy on weekdays, but come weekends and it’s impossible to get the kids to eat, bathe or sleep. They know it’s their time to stay up late, and watch movies and eat extra special treats they wouldn’t be allowed to eat on other days. Zayn and Liam try to make sleep time fun for them.  Of course this doesn’t make sense, since they become hyper before bed and it takes them longer to actually fall asleep. But Liam and Zayn were never ones to say no, especially when their kids give them that sweet look that proves they have no backbone when it comes to them.

 

Once they’ve bathed and in bed, the kids tell Zayn about their time at grandma and grandpa’s. Liam watches as Zayn takes it all in, smiles and places perfect expressions at each story. Liam knows deep down Zayn is sad from the lack of respect he gets from Liam’s parents. It stresses Liam, he knows Zayn hurts. Because all Zayn ever wanted was acceptance, and he’s done everything possible and still receives nothing but a cold shoulder.

 “Goodnight angels. I love you.” Liam whispers.

 “Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Baba,” Max and Gaby try to whisper but it comes out loud anyways.

 “Goodnight babes. Love you,” Zayn mutters’ before tiptoeing out and leaving the door slightly ajar.

 Liam and Zayn make their way down the corridor, as per usual a tiptoe in their step. Once they reach their bedroom, they both fall down onto the mattress and stare at the ceiling. They sigh out loud, laughing silently at how in sync they are.

  “It’s like you’re my mirror,” Zayn sing songs quietly.

 Liam rolls his eyes but a fondness settles in him. He turns to the bedside table, reading the time on the clock. “10pm.” Liam states. “Is that a good record for Saturday night?”

  Zayn turns on his side and leans on his elbow. “Nothing will ever be as bad as Harry letting them stay awake until we came home from my work Christmas party.”

 Liam mirrors Zayn and shakes his head fondly. “Never again.  He’s not even our last resort.”

 Zayn huffs out a laugh. It’s silent for a few moments before Zayn asks, “How was your parents’ house?”

 Liam shrugs, letting his fingers trace along Zayns cheekbones. “Normal… They say hello.”

 Zayn scoffs, “Please, don’t lie to me.”

 “Well my sister did, which accounts for my parents too,” Liam supplies, trying to break the sudden tension. He fails though, once he notices Zayn’s lips turn into a frown and the lines across his forehead have wrinkled.

  “Baby…” Liam begins.

 “It’s okay. I shouldn’t let it affect me anymore. It’s stupid of me.” Zayn babblers.

 Liam moves on top of Zayn, “it’s not stupid of you to want my parents to like you. It’s stupid of them, because they don’t see how amazing you are.”

 “You do, so I don’t care what they think.”

 Liam smiles, “Good.” He grinds down onto Zayn's crotch. Zayn’s breath hitches and Liam leans forward to press his lips on Zayn’s. “Miss your dick.” He says in between a kiss. “Miss the sounds you make.” Zayn moans out loud at that statement.

 Liam grins and wiggles his erection on to Zayn’s hardening one. “Wanna fuck you tonight,” he says.

 Zayn keens, “Yeah. Wanna feel you.”

 “Let’s shower first.” Liam prompts himself to get up. He ignores Zayns groan and begins to remove his clothes. He turns back around and Zayn is still laying down, his arms crossed and dick hard under his sweat pants.

 “It’s called foreplay, babe. C’mon. I’m going to suck your dick in the shower anyway.”

 Zayn sits up. “Promise?” he asks.

 Liam sometimes wonders who acts more like a child, his kids or husband. He laughs and replies, “Promise. Now c’mon, I’m horny.”

 Zayn quickly gets up and removes all his clothing. He walks past Liam and wiggles his bum. Liam shakes his head fondly than strides into the bathroom, wrapping his arms around Zayn’s chest and sucks his neck.

 “You gonna be good for me and come twice tonight?” Liam asks, biting Zayns earlobe.

 Zayn groans, rubbing his arse against Liam’s dick. “Answer me, baby.”

 “Yeah,” Zayn moans, “gonna be good.”

 Liam smiles and let’s go of Zayn, turning on the shower.

 Once they’re wet and clean, Liam drops to his knees-- the tiles are uncomfortable but hearing the sounds Zayn makes when he’s got his cock deep in Liam’s mouth is worth the pain.

 “Liam,” Zayn breathes out.

 Liam looks up, the water falling into his eyes, so he turns them around, the water hitting the back of him now.

 Liam rubs his hands up and down his thighs, enjoying the sounds it brings out of Zayns open mouth. He grabs Zayn’s cock and starts to move his hand slowly up and down. Zayn thrusts into his palm and Liam suddenly stops. “No moving.” He demands.

 Zayn stops moving and Liam smiles, giving the tip of his cock a lick to tell him he’s proud he listened. He goes back to wanking Zayn off, his dick hard and heavy in his palm. Liam licks the tip once more, before taking Zayn completely into his mouth. He begins to bob fast, letting Zayn’s dick touch the back of his throat before pulling off and stroking him again. 

Liam looks up and watches Zayn. He’s memorised by his stance. Head up, mouth open and body still. Like he wants to thrust into Liam’s mouth but knows he can’t. He’s good for Liam, always is. 

“Gonna come soon?”

Zayn breaks out of his haze, nodding his head and stares down at Liam. “ _Mhm,”_ Zayn whimpers.

 “Open your legs a bit.”

 Zayn opens his legs a little wider, his hands resting on the tiled walls.

 Liam goes back down onto Zayns dick, opening his mouth wide and letting him hit the back of his throat. He moves his other hand that was holding Zayn to the back of his arse. He lets his fingertips dance along Zayns spine, before letting it dip around Zayns hole.

 He hears Zayn keen above, feels his legs widen further. Liam circles his rim before pushing into his tight hole.

 Liam pulls off, breathless. “You’re so fucking tight, baby.”

 “Fuck, fuck, Liam.” Zayn chants.

“You’re so good. Just come in my mouth and I’ll fuck you.” 

Liam catches Zayn’s cock in his mouth and bobs faster, tightens his lips and lets Zayn fuck into his mouth while he fingers his arse. 

As he goes to fit another finger into his arse, Zayn’s body becomes tense; a moan leaves his mouth as he comes down Liam’s throat. 

Liam gets back up and grabs a hold of Zayns shaky body. He kisses him all over his face and neck, leaving praises of whispers along the way. _So good, love you._ _Fucking hot like this, baby._

Liam turns off the shower and wraps them up in the same towel, drying off before falling into each other’s embraces on the bed. They kiss and kiss until their mouths are red and Zayns hard again, grinding his dick on Liam’s bare thigh.

Liam laughs and pulls back, “So desperate for me, aren’t you.”

 “Liam,” Zayn whines. “No teasing, you’ve done enough.”

 Liam rolls his eyes, reaching over to the side table to get the lube out. He drops it on Zayn's lap.

“Finger yourself, wanna watch you.”

 Zayn closes his eyes and breathes out, like the thought of Liam watching him is too much.

 Zayn lays down on his back, knees bent and legs wide open. Liam moves to sit in front of him, getting the best view in the house, he thinks.

 “Can you touch me while I do this,” Zayn shyly asks.

 Liam leans forward, kissing his lips before pulling back. “Of course, baby.” He places his hands on Zayns quivering thighs, stroking up and down.

 Zayn uncaps the lube and pours some onto his fingers. He takes his index finger and twirls it around his hole. Liam holds his breath, so turned on by the sight of his husband, open and willing, fingering himself so he can take his cock. 

When Zayn pushes his finger in, Liam moans loudly, unable to control the tingling feeling rushing through his body. “You don’t understand how hot you look, Zayn.”  Liam begins. “Next time I have to record you, show you why I wanna fuck you all the time.” 

Zayn closes his eyes, shuddering at Liam’s words. He sticks another finger along the other one. “Fuck,” He groans out loud.

“Tell me how you feel,” Liam asks.

Zayn exhales, “Hot.” Liam smiles and Zayn shakes his head, “I mean, I feel hot, my skin. You watching me, is making me feel so-- so hot.” He blabbers.

Liam keeps rubbing up and down Zayns thighs, praising him each time he fucks down on his fingers. Liam’s so hard he feels he may burst. He moves forward and grabs the lube. He pours some onto his fingers and leans down, so he’s face is in front of Zayn’s arse. 

“Yes,” Zayn hisses when he realizes what Liam’s about to do.

Liam pushes his index finger alongside Zayns two fingers. It’s tight, so fucking tight and good. He can’t wait to put his cock inside. 

Liam fucks his finger into Zayn’s arse, Zayns fingers becoming in sync with his own. He watches as Zayns hole swallows the digits. The way Zayn’s fingers are long and lean, Liam’s himself are wide and thick.

“Think you’re ready now?” Liam asks.

 “ _Mhm._  

Liam pops his finger out, but tells Zayn to keep his in while he puts lube over his dick.

“Take them out now.” Zayn obliges and pulls his fingers out, lets his hands hang beside him as Liam rearranges them. He puts Zayns legs over his shoulder, one hand holding himself up, while the other holds his dick, positioning it at Zayns hole. He slowly pushes in, the tight feeling leaving him breathless. He knows he won’t last, it feels as if he has been hard forever.  Once he’s bottomed out, he leans down, pushing his tongue into Zayns open, panting mouth.

He begins to slowly pull out before pushing back in. Zayn groans out, placing his hands on Liam’s back and clawing at them like he can’t hold onto anything else.

Liam builds up speed, bending Zayn more, so his thighs are touching his chest. “Yeah, like that.” Zayn pants out. 

Liam fucks into him hard, how Zayn loves it. He leaves no space for air to go through. He fucks Zayn like it’s the last time they’ll fuck, but he knows there won’t be an end with them. This is just their sex life. Fast, hard and so fucking hot, he feels like sometimes he can’t breathe from how much he loves Zayn. How Zayn gives himself so effortlessly to Liam, trusts him enough to break him apart, knowing he’ll fix him right back up.

“Nearly there, don’t come until I say,” Liam pants out.

Zayn just nods his head. His eyes are closed, teeth biting into his bottom lip. Liam feels the marks already appearing on his back from Zayn’s nails.

Liam’s body begins to tremble, he’s nearly there. His body is tingling like butterflies are fluttering all over. He feels the heat begin to bubble in his stomach and one last hard, rough push into Zayns arse has him coming inside of him. He moans out loud but doesn’t let his thrusts weaken. Liam keeps fucking into him, until his come is deep in Zayn, it won’t leak out.

“Liam, please, please,” Zayn chants.

“Come for me, baby.” Liam pants, he’s breathless and tired and so fucking content.

Zayn grabs a hold of his untouched dick and the simplest trace has him coming all over his stomach, he makes a sound like there’s nothing left within him.

Liam slowly pulls out and flops down beside Zayn’s heaving body.

That lay there, catching their breaths, letting time pass by until Liam gets up and goes to the bathroom, getting a hot cloth to clean Zayn with.

Once that’s done, he turns off the light and cuddles into Zayn’s pliant body.

“When I first met you, I never expected you to be so… good at sex.” Zayn giggles.

Liam huffs out. “Oh thanks. 

Zayn cuddles into Liam’s side. “You know what I mean.”

Liam grins and presses a kiss on top of Zayn's head. “You’re just so willing.”

“For you, _mhm.”_

“Love you,” Liam whispers, closing his tired eyes.

“Me too.” Zayn yawns out.

 

**-**

“You wanted to see me, Zayn?” Luke says once Zayn enters his office.

 Zayn sits across from Luke at his messy desk. Unlike Zayns, it’s unorganized.

 “I was just wondering why my leave for summer holidays hasn’t been approved yet?”

 Luke shifts uncomfortably in his seat, and Zayn already knows where this conversation is going.

 “About that,” Luke hesitantly says. “I couldn’t approve it. Summer is our busiest time of the year and you taking two weeks off, just wasn’t going to work.” 

Zayn tries hard not to show his anger, he silently breathes in and out, not showing any emotion as he listens to Luke ramble on.

“That’s unfortunate that it isn’t going to work, because I’m taking the time off, with or without pay.” Zayn calmly speaks.

Luke quirks his eyebrow, Zayn continues to show him no face. “You can have one week, with pay, off.”

Zayn shakes his head. “No can do. My kids and husband are on school holidays, and I want to spend time with them. We may go away, so it’s going to have to be two weeks, maybe even three.”

Luke sighs and massages his fingers into his temple. “You’re killing me, Malik. You want to leave at the most important time? Have you even closed off the deal with Mr. Marvin yet?”

Now it’s Zayns turn to sigh. “I’m giving him time to think. The more pressure you put on him, the more he will back away from us.”

“I don’t want anyone signing his book.”

Zayn nods, “Neither. His book is amazing and could get us all a lot of money, as you said before. But I know people like him, I went to school with people like him and the more we harass him, the less he’ll trust us. You need to make him feel comfortable, welcome here.”

Luke raises his hands, “And how do we do that.”

Zayn shrugs and gets up. “Take him out for drinks or dinner, I don’t know. But don’t bring up the book with him, unless he initiates it.”

“How come you’re not the boss of this company?” Luke asks as Zayn opens the door. He turns around, “One day.” He winks before stepping out.

 

_“Zayn, you better have time off work. I can’t be with the kids all holidays; I have things to do too.”_

 Zayn sighs, “I know, babe. Don’t worry; I’m taking time off work, even if it’s unpaid.”

  _“Is that even legal? You have rights as a worker.”_

“I do, but I don’t want to start problems here. This place is good for me, for us.”

 _“But money…”_ Liam clearly hesitates.

Zayn sighs once again. They’re financially stable, with both their incomes.  But they want to move out of their two bedroom rented house and move into the suburbs, where the houses are bigger and they can own their own property. They could have had a mortgage by now, but the kids set them back. Not that Zayn regrets anything, because a house isn’t a home, but rather his family, he thinks. There has been setbacks, nothing too major, nothing they couldn’t deal with.

But Zayn understands what Liam means. The kids’ birthdays are coming up, their rent is getting higher, their cars still need to be paid off. It seems like, one bill gets paid and another pops up.

“ _Harry, stop eavesdropping_.” Zayn hears Liam snap.

_“Tell Zayn that he does have rights and I know a good lawyer if he needs one.”_

“Thanks Harry,” Zayn says.

“ _He says thanks, now fuck off and go teach or something_.”

Zayn laughs, “Babe-- ” he cuts off when he hears a knock on his door. It’s Luke, “may I? 

Zayn nods, “Got to go, talk later.” He quickly says, before hanging up.

“Everything okay?”

Luke nods. “I’ve put in your request to have two weeks off, with pay.”

Zayn beams. “Really? This means so much, thanks Luke.”

Luke raises his hand,” But.” Zayn internally groans. Of course there is a ‘but’. “I need you to take Josh Marvin out for drinks or whatever you think is good enough to get him to sign his book with us.”

“Um, okay.” Zayn scrunches his face. “May I ask, why me?”

Luke shrugs, “You’re good with our clients. You have something that screams, ‘safe’ and ‘reliable’.”

“Thanks… I think?”

Luke nods once, then gets up. “Call him, woo him, and try to get him to sign the contract before you go on holidays.”

“I’ll try my very best.”

Zayn sags back into his chair and closes his eyes. He feels like he’s reached the highest point of stress, but knows he hasn’t.

He lets his mind zone out for a few minutes, disconnecting from the world and all the issues that are piling around him, making him feel claustrophobic in his own skin.

Once he feels slightly better, he calls Maggie.

“Yes, Mr. Malik.”

“Can you get Josh Marvin on the line for me, please.”

He slumps back into his chair, and prepares to use this newfound charm he apparently has.

 

 Zayn arrives home tired, stressed and not in the mood to do anything but drop face first into the mattress. But when you have kids, none of those matter. He stays in his car for five minutes extra, smoking his third cigarette in the last 15 minutes.

 When he enters his home, it smells like KFC and the kids are at the table drawing, Liam sitting next to them with papers scattered around. They all look up at the same time when he makes his way into the kitchen. The shitty feeling Zayn’s been feeling today, suddenly disappears and those three faces feel the void of unhappiness.

 “How are my three favourite people?” He asks, leaning down to kiss them all on the forehead.

 “I got three stars at school today!” Gabby says. “Max got one.”

 Max folds his arms and pouts. “I did not!”

 “Gaby, what did I just say? Don’t pick on your brother.” Liam snaps. Gaby pouts and goes back to drawing.

 “Max, did you have fun today?”  Zayn asks.

 Max nods eagerly, “We have show and tell tomorrow and I have to bring my favourite toy and I’m going to bring Batman cause-- because Daddy loves him.” He stutters out in excitement.

 Zayn laughs, “Take a breather, love.”

 “I’m taking Batman.” Max grins.

 Liam ruffles his hair, and begins to pack all his paper up.

 “I’ll get the plates and cutlery.” Zayn offers.

 Liam comes up behind him as he takes the plates from the cupboard. “Stressed?”

 Zayn shakes his head, “No, why?”

 “You reek of smoke.”

 Zayn flushes, Liam must notice, so he continues “It’s okay. The smell reminds me of when I first met you.”

 Zayn sadly smiles and leans up to peck Liam. “Just had a craving I needed to get rid of.”

 Liam clearly doesn’t believe Zayn from the way he narrows his eyes sadly, but he doesn’t question him.  Zayn’s grateful for that.  Liam gathers up the bags filled with food and brings it to the table.

 They eat dinner then put the children to bed, same routine as always. Zayn smokes four more cigarettes before bed that night.

 

 

“Max, Gaby! Stop hitting each other, or so help me.” Zayn snaps.

 He’s late for work; the kids are late for nursery and he’s about to lose his shit.

 “Gaby started it!” Max cries out.

 “I don’t care who started it, just please get your backpacks so we can go.” They run off.

 

“Baba!” Gaby yells.

 “Yes,” Zayn replies loudly, currently too busy packing up his manuscripts to go see where she is.

 “I can’t find Blankie,” she sobs out.

 Zayn sighs and drops his suitcase. He walks into their room and finds Gaby on the ground crying, Max softly patting her braided hair.

 Zayn crouches down, “Where did you last have it?”

 “I don’t remember,” she sobs out.

 Zayn looks around, Max helping him, but still nothing. Zayn looks down to his watch, he’s so fucking late.

 “Let me call Daddy.”

 “Pick up, Liam. Pick up.” Zayn mumbles when the phone rings.

 It goes straight to voicemail, Zayn groans and types out a message. _Emergency call asap_.

 “We’ll find it, Gaby. But you gotta stop crying baby.”

 Gaby gets up, her face and eyes blotchy red. “I love Blankie.” Zayn hates when she cries, he swoops her into his arms and cradles her. “We’ll find it baby girl.”

 Zayns phone vibrates against his legs, he lets go of Gaby to answer.

 “Is everything okay? What happened?” Liam eagerly asks.

 “Blankie is lost.” Zayn states.

 He hears Liam exhale and mumble fuck. _“I think she left it in my car from yesterday.”_

 “God damn it, Liam.” Zayn snaps. “She won’t stop crying and I’m already half an hour late for work.”

“ _Don’t be angry at me, it’s an honest mistake.”_

“It’s common fucking sense to make sure she has Blankie with her in the mornings.”

_“Don’t swear if you’re around the kids and maybe if you were on time, you wouldn’t be this late for work. I have to get back to my class, give her something else for the time being.”_

“Twat,” Zayn mutters but Liam’s already hung up.

“Gaby,” Zayn softly says. “Honey, look at me.” Gaby looks up and wipes her eyes, her lips trembling.

“Daddy took Blankie with him to work because he misses you and that’s the only way he can be with you while you’re apart.” Gaby nods like she understands. “But he promises Blankie will be waiting for you when you finish school,” Zayn reassures.

“Okay,” she says softly.

Zayn picks her up and cuddles her, “You going to be okay?”

Gaby moves back and nods, rubbing her eyes. “Daddy won’t hurt him.

Zayn smiles, “Of course he won’t.”

“Are you ready to go to school and show them your new ballet skirt? You look very pretty.”

Gaby blushes and pats her pink skirt. Zayn squeezes her tight, and kisses her forehead. His heart may have burst out three times too big.

 

 

When Zayn arrives home that evening, the atmosphere feels tense, well rather, Liam’s tense.

 “Hey,” Zayn says sitting at the dining table, eating leftovers off Liam’s plate.

 “Your dinner’s in the microwave if you want it.”

 “Thanks.” Zayn gets up to get his food and plops back down next to Liam.

 “Sorry about this morning. I just got really flustered by everything.” Zayn says.

 “It’s okay. You’re stressed, I understand.”

 Zayn rolls his eyes, Liam’s being passive aggressive. Zayn ignores him though. He’s apologized and done his part.

“Your father called by the way.”

“What’d he want?” Zayn asks with his mouth full.

“If you’re going to do Ramadan this year.”

“What’d you tell him?”

“Do you mean did I tell him you haven’t done it for the past six years?” Zayn stares blankly at Liam. “I told him you may, depending on work and other commitments.”

“Okay, thanks.” Zayn goes back to eating.

“Why don’t you do it anymore?”

Zayn shrugs. “It’s harder when you get older. I have a job I need to focus on and kids I need to take care of.”

“Okay, just don’t lose your faith.”

Love spreads along Zayns body and sits at his bones. He looks at Liam and can’t help but be proud that this is the man he ended up with. The person he gets to call forever.

“I haven’t, boo.” Pause. “Plus, we’ll invite my parents over for Eid. It’ll be fun.”

“Sounds good.” Liam begins to pack up his things. “I’m going to go play with the kids, come join us after?”

“Yeah, I’ll do the dishes first.”

 Liam walks away and Zayn shrinks back into his seat. He’ll suck Liam’s dick before bed tonight, that’ll make him happy again.

 

 

**-**

“Can I bring a friend to the kids’ birthday party?” Harry asks at lunch.

Liam looks up from his papers, “Niall?”

“Oh, no. But he’ll probably tag along. It’s actually someone I’ve been seeing.”

Liam quirks his eyebrow, this is new. “You’ve been seeing someone and haven’t told me? I’m surprised.”

“I didn’t want to jinx it.” Pause. “But his name is Louis and he’s a Capricorn and he has a pretty dick.”

“Pretty,” Liam deadpans.

Harry nods, “Doesn’t Zayn have a pretty dick?”

Liam rolls his eyes. “Yes-- I mean. Harry, I wouldn’t use the term pretty dick to describe Zayn.”

“He has blue eyes, and nice hair and a really nice arse. You’ll undoubtedly be jealous.”

“I can’t wait to meet the lovely chap who won the heart of, Mr. Harry Styles.”

Harry beams, “He’s so excited to meet you, Zayn and the kids.”

“Do you not have other friends to talk about?”

“I have Niall, but he already knows Niall. That’s how I met him, actually.”

“Well I’ll see you all there.”

“Please, I’ve had that date set since the beginning of the year. I cannot believe they’re turning five.”

“They’re growing up so fast. Gaby is so assertive with everything she does."

 Harry grins, “That’s my girl.”

“Do you have any plans for the school holidays?”

Harry shakes his head, “Other than getting fucked daily, nothing.”

Liam groans, “You’re so inappropriate for someone so spiritual.”

“I’m a complex person, Liam.”

“Right.” The bell rings. “Last period before summer holiday, come over for a celebration dinner?” 

Harry pouts, “I wish. But Louis and I have a date. I’ll see you next week and possibly a lot more after that. You won’t need to miss me too much.”

Liam laughs and collects all his papers. “The kids will be happy to have you around.”

 “I’m their favourite person.”

“After Zayn and I,” Liam states.

“No.” Harry casually replies, “in general.”

“Bye Harry,” Liam calls out, ignoring his response.

“Bye pumpkin, miss you already.” Harry yells back, his slow, thick accent vibrating against the four walls.

Liam flushes when he notices one of the teachers glare at them. Damn it, Harry.

 

 

 

“You haven’t told you parents about the kids’ party yet?” Zayn groans, “It’s this Saturday, Liam.”

 “I don’t want them to come,” Liam states.

 “It’s not about what you want. It’s the kids’ grandparents, for fucks sake. And now they’re going to think I was the one that didn’t want them to come.”

 Liam shakes his head, touching Zayns jumpy thigh. “Trust me; I’ll make it clear it was my suggestion.” He reassures. 

Zayn pushes his hand away. “Call them and tell them to come. End of.”

“ _Oh,_ look at you being all in control.”

Zayn glares at him, “I’m a very controlling person when I want to be.”

“I’m just teasing, baby.” Liam gets up and sits down on Zayn’s lap, wrapping his hands around his neck 

“You’re so angsty these days. When does your break start?”

Zayn places his hands on Liam’s waist, squeezes the fat around his hip as if Liam was a stress ball.

“Next week. I’m taking one of our clients to dinner, try and woo him into signing with us.”

“Should I be jealous? You don’t even take me out to dinner anymore.”

“You’re the only man for me, boo.”

“Show me?” Liam playfully asks.

Zayn quirks his eyebrow, “How?"

Liam wiggles his eyebrows, “I miss your mouth.”

Zayn laughs, “Call your parents and I’ll give you the best head you’ll ever receive.”

Lam licks his lips and leans down to attach his mouth onto Zayn’s neck. “If it’s not, I get to spank you.”

Zayn giggles and wiggles around when he feels Liam’s mouth suck along his collarbones. “You can spank me either way.”

Liam calls his parents and invites them, informing them to behave (as if they were the children), or he won’t hesitate to kick them out.

 

“ _Fuck_ , Zayn. Your mouth, baby,” Liam pants-- thrusting his cock into Zayn’s open mouth.

 He has him on his knees, backed up against the wall. They learnt it’s easier for Zayn to give head this way, both of them loving the power Liam can hold in this position. 

Liam grabs a hold of Zayns hair and pulls him back, lets him take in a few breaths before pushing back into his tight heat, Zayns wet mouth sending tingles up and down his spine.

“Nearly,” Liam chokes out, “there.”

Zayn places his hands on Liam’s arse and pushes him more forward, letting his airway cut off for a few seconds before quickly detaching himself from Liam’s cock.

“Fuck,” Liam moans unable to contain how turned on he is right now.

“Come on my face.” Zayn begs. “Please, _Daddy.”_

Liam has to place his hands on the wall, nearly falling over from hearing Zayn call him _daddy_ so casually. They haven’t played like this in a while, it’s unexpected and turning him on so fucking much.

“You’re gonna be the death of me, Baby.” He leads Zayns mouth back onto his cock and fucks into him, no hesitancy. When he feels the tingling sensation boil in his stomach, he removes Zayn’s mouth and pushes his foreskin up and down. Zayn licks the tip and that’s it, Liam loses it. Painting Zayns face with his come.

 

 

It’s the day Gabrielle Rose and Max Taylor were born and given to Liam and Zayn. 

Liam doesn’t feel like five years have gone by, yet it’s passed him so quickly. One minute he was buying Zayn coffee, next minute they were married and then then another minute they were having twins.

He remembers when they first brought them home. How scared and nervous they both were. He and Zayn both refused to sleep at the same time. One of them had to be awake to watch them while they slept, make sure they were sleeping soundly.

They had help from both their parents, well Zayn’s more than Liam’s, but they survived. Five years later, they’re here with two amazing kids who continue to astonish them every single day, just by their presence.

“How old are you, Max!” Liam shouts cheerfully to his son when he wakes up.

“I’m five, Daddy!”

“Are you excited for your birthday party today?”

Max rubs his tired eyes, and nods, “Yes. Do I get lots of presents?”

Liam laughs, “You do, son, Lots.” Liam widens his arms apart, “This much for growing bigger each year.”

Max grins. “Go wish your sister a happy birthday. She’s been awake since early morning.”

“I don’t want to share a birthday with her. She’s mean to me.” Max pouts.

Liam cuddles Max into his arms and twirls him around, “I’ve told her to stop, and if she keeps going, you come to me or Baba.”

“Okay, Daddy. I’ll go kiss her and hug her. She’s five like me.”

Liam smiles at his son, a proud feeling warms up inside of his body, when he looks at how great he continually grows.

“Baba made you pancakes!”

Max jumps up and down screaming excitedly. “Yay,” he runs off down the corridor into the kitchen. Liam can hear the kids wishing each other a happy birthday, loud, joyful screams leaving their tiny mouths.

 

“What time is everyone coming,” Gaby asks with her mouth full.

“In the afternoon.  Baba and I need to decorate the place before they all arrive.”

“Do you want me to help you?” Gaby asks.

“No honey, it’s yours and Max’s day. You can play,” Liam smiles down at her bright face.

“Baba, will you play princesses and princes with us?” Max asks.

 “I will, after I help Daddy,” Zayn promises.

“Okay,” Max grins.

 

 

Zayns parents are first to arrive, hands full of food and the cake they offered to pick up along the way. 

Liam kisses Trisha and hugs Yaser. “You didn’t have to do all this, thank you.” He helps them towards the kitchen.

“Please, Liam. It’s the only grandchildren we have.  We have to spoil them.” Trisha moves around the kitchen, like it’s her own place. Liam loves it.

“Where are my grandchildren?” Yaser asks.

“Gaby, Max! Someone’s here to see you.” Liam calls out.

“Liam, where are your hand towels?” Trisha asks, concern in her voice.

Liam chuckles, “Second drawer. Don’t worry; we’re not twenty-two anymore. We have all the house essentials.”

“Daadaa!” Max yells, jumping into his grandpa’s arms. Yaser squeezes him. “Hello, big boy. Look at you getting older and stronger.”

“I’m going to have muscles like Daddy one day.” Max says proudly.

“Come give Daadi a kiss,” Trisha squats beside Yaser, holding her arms open for Max.

“Where’s Princess Gaby,” Yaser calls out.

“Here Daadaa,” Gaby jumps into Yaser open arms. **“** _Mmf_ **.** You’re strong too aren’t you?”

“The strongest,” she giggles.

“Who did your hair, Gabs? It looks beautiful, look at you growing up so gorgeous.”

 Gaby blushes and pats her dress, twirling it around a bit. “Daddy did my hair and Baba bought me the dress.” She gushes.

 “Fit for a princess.” Trisha states, hugging Gaby and kissing her cheeks.

 Once they’ve all said their hellos, the children go back to playing and Liam helps Zayn’s parents unpack the food.

 “Where’s my son?” Yaser asks.

 “Um,” Liam makes a puzzled face, not sure why Zayn hasn’t come out yet. “He’s probably on the phone with work. He’s been more stressed lately.” 

Trisha sighs, her motherly bone coming out. “He always consumes himself with work, ever since I can remember.”

“You know Zayn, he’s stubborn.”

“I’m not stubborn,” Zayn says walking into the kitchen, “just dedicated, thank you very much.”

He kisses his mum, “How are you?” He asks, hugging her tightly.

“I’m good, sweet, and you?”

Zayn shrugs, “My kids are five today, I’m happy.”

Zayn walks over to his dad who’s at the dining table. He hugs him and sits down with him. “You don’t want anything to drink?” He asks.

Yaser shakes his head. “I’m fasting.”

Oh right. “I was going to do it this year, but it’s just been too crazy to focus.”

Yaser nods his head, “Son, you don’t have to explain yourself.”

Zayn smiles, “You’re still coming over for Eid, right?”

“As long as Liam doesn’t cook Aloo gosht again.”

“Hey,” Liam mumbles, joining Yaser and Zayn at the table. “I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be.”

Zayn smiles proudly at his husband, who has embraced his culture and religion from the moment they met.  “I loved how it tasted, babe.”

“You’re biased, Zayn,” Yaser utters.

“Don’t be mean, Yaser. At least Liam cooks, you don’t even try.”

Yaser shrugs, Zayn rolls his eyes.

“How’s Waliyha?”

“She has a boyfriend.” Yaser states, unhappily of course. Zayn and Liam smile. “He’s American. I don’t trust him.”

“Have you met him before?” Liam asks.

Yaser shakes his head, “No. But I can tell he’s not good for her.”

“ _Baba,”_ Zayn drags, “she’s twenty now, she knows what she’s doing.”

“She doesn’t even call anymore.”

“Yaser stop sulking. She’s living her life, let her be.” Trisha defends.

“Well she’s not here, so I can talk about her.” Yaser bickers.

“I would say don’t get married, but it’s a little too late for that.” Yaser mumbles to Liam and Zayn.

Liam loves being around Zayn’s parents. They’re so open and welcoming and warm. He feels more loved by them, than his own parents. Their relationship is also funny to witness. It’s like, no matter how much they argue or complain with one another, at the end of the day, they love each other and that’s all that’s important. Liam hopes he and Zayn can be like them one day. That time won’t ever tear them apart; only make them more comfortable together.

 

Trisha and Yaser help Zayn and Liam set up. Thankfully it’s a nice day; the summer sun is bright in the clear sky. 

They’ve set up the tables and chairs outside, a corner for the adults and a corner for the kids to play. They have two piñatas set up. One of Elsa from frozen for Gaby and a monkey for Max. They take the mini slide from the garage and set it up for the kids to play on.

Liam sets up the barbeque, getting the chicken and sausages ready for the guests.

“Let me do it,” Yaser offers.

Liam shakes his head, “Go relax, I’m happy to do this.”

Yaser smiles, “You have to meet and greet with the children’s parents. I’m fine here.”

“You’re not hungry?” Liam asks. He feels bad that Yaser has to wait until the sun goes down to eat.

“I’ve been doing this for 50 years or more, son. It comes naturally to me.”

“Call me if you need help.” Liam walks back inside, the kids running around with some of their friends that have arrived. Zayn has turned on the radio-- Liam can hear the Top 40 play in the back ground.

“Gaby, Max. Go play outside. I’ve set up the slide.” Liam says, too many kids already running around crazily. The kids run outside, screaming enthusiastically.

The bell rings once again and Liam goes to open it. It’s Harry and Niall, and another fellow who he presumes is Louis.

“Liam,” Harry grins widely. “Missed you, pal.”

“It’s been less than a week.” Liam states.

Harry rolls his eyes and gives him a firm hug. “I’m used to seeing you every day. Cut a mate a break.”

Liam hugs back, “Missed you too, bro.”

“Hey, Niall. Glad you can come. The kids will be happy to see you.” Liam shakes his hand.

 “I have that effect on people, no matter what age.” Niall swaggers into the kitchen, plopping the pints on the bench. Liam snorts then turns to Louis.  “Hey mate, I’m Liam.”

“Oh right.” Harry says. “Louis, this is Liam. Liam, this is Louis.” He waves his hands between them.

“Thanks for having me. Harry never stops talking about you all and I couldn’t pass the offer of finally meeting the clan,” Louis nervously laughs.

“Harry is known to ramble more than he should,” Liam teases. “The kids are outside playing and Zayn is…” Liam looks around. Where is Zayn. “Zayn’s somewhere. We keep losing him.”

“I’m going to go give the kids their presents. Come Louis.” Harry grabs a hold of Louis hands and drags him along to the backyard.

 

Liam goes to look for Zayn, who is unsurprisingly in their room.

“Babe, everyone is here. What’s wrong?” Liam asks sitting at the edge of their bed, rubbing his hands on Zayns thighs.

“Sorry, Luke keeps blasting my phone with news about our client.”  Zayn says, not looking up from his phone.

Liam gets frustrated and takes Zayn’s phone from his hand. Zayn glares at him and reaches up to retrieve it back, but Liam holds it high above his head.

“One, it’s our kids birthday party. Two, it’s a Saturday. Work can wait for another day.”

“Okay, okay. You’re right. Can you just give me my phone, please?” Zayn snaps.

Liam gives him a puzzled looks and throws it to Zayn’s chest. “Don’t fucking ruin my mood with your shit mood, Zayn. Not today.”

“Then leave me alone while I finish what I have to.” Zayn declares. Liam shakes his head angrily, and walks out, slamming the door behind him.

When Liam goes back outside, his parents are there talking with Zayn’s parents. Liam scoffs. If only Zayn’s parents knew how badly his parents treated their son.

Harry is being attacked by Gaby and Max on the grass-- rolling around with them. Louis and Niall are near the barbeque drinking some pints and cooking the chicken.

Liam grabs a beer from the cool-box and goes towards them. “Let me take over, Niall,” Liam offers.

Niall shakes his head firmly. “Love my chicken, mate. I’ll be in charge.”

“Where’s Zayn?” Louis asks, taking a sip of his beer and turning towards the kids when he hears Harry playfully squeal.

“He’s coming out soon. Just got caught up with work stuff...” Louis doesn’t seem to be paying attention to what he just said, too consumed with watching Harry. Liam smiles, he’s glad Harry’s found someone that looks at him the way Louis is. “He’s like a big child,” Liam says, following Louis’ gaze.

Louis huffs out a loud, “He sure is. I think he’s having more fun than them.”

Liam swallows down his beer, “Probably.”

“Zayn!” Niall yells, everyone turns to look at Zayn walking outside. “Nice of ya to join us, mate.”

Zayn waves towards Harry then comes up beside Liam and Louis, snatching Liam’s beer out of his hand. Liam snatches it back. “Get your own,” he says a bit too spiteful.  Zayn rolls his eyes and goes to fetch a beer.

Louis gives them a funny look, Liam ignores it.

“You must be, Louis.” Zayn shakes his hand.

“And you must be Zayn. Glad to finally meet you.”

“Having fun?” Zayn asks Niall and Louis.

They both shake their heads. “For a five year olds’ party? It’s actually pretty wild.” Louis jokes.

Zayn laughs and Liam smiles, though it’s not genuine. He’s annoyed at Zayn, but he knows he shouldn’t be. He ought to enjoy the day for their kids and focus on no awkward situations taking place with Zayn and his parents.

Nobody has seemed to comment on why Zayn hasn’t approached them yet and said hello. Liam’s thankful for that.

 

**-**

Once four more kids and Liam’s sister and nephew arrive, everyone is finally ready to eat.  Zayn sets up the plastic green plates at the kids table for the children. Placing chicken nuggets, hot chips and sausages in the middle for them to all grab.

“There’s enough for everyone, don’t go fighting over it all.” He explains to the kids.

“Baba, can you get me tomato sauce, please.” Max asks.

Zayn nods and goes into the kitchen to grab all the sauces from the fridge.

“Anything else you need?” He asks the children before going to sit down with the adults. They all shake their heads, and mumble _no_ with their mouths full.

Zayn’s not particularly hungry. He doesn’t want to be around anyone at the moment. But he soldiers through, for Liam. He isn’t in the mood for an argument with his husband. He knows he’s being stupid focusing too much time on work, rather than the children’s birthday. But it’s not like they realize he’s gone anyway. They’re too consumed with playing with their friends and opening up all their presents.

Zayn sits between Harry and Liam. He regrets the decision when he notices Liam’s mum sitting across from him. Just lovely, he sarcastically thinks.

Everyone is chatting with one another, Zayn zones out. He plays with the food on the plate, and if Liam senses something is wrong, he doesn’t acknowledge it. He doesn’t squeeze his leg like he usually would when Zayn becomes like this. Zayn concludes he must have really pissed Liam off.

“Do guys plan on moving soon?” Zayn hears someone asks. He looks up and tries to place the voice. It’s his mum.

Liam speaks for them. “We’re still saving as much as we can before we take out a mortgage. We wanna make sure the house we buy is the one that’s really meant for us.” Liam supplies.

“I told you, son. Your father and I will help you out.” Liam’s mum says.

Zayn scoffs to himself. “We don’t need your help, Karen.” Zayn says innocently. No aggression in his tone, just a casual statement.

Karen nods her head once and goes back to eating her food. Zayn hates her, he thinks. Only he can’t, can he. That’s Liam’s mum, his children’s grandmother.  He holds resentment towards her, he knows that.

He has never been welcomed into the Payne household. Zayn wonders what he did wrong for them to dislike him as much as they do. He loves Liam more than anything. Zayn thinks that should be enough to have their blessing. Apparently it’s not.

“Well if you ever need help, you know we are here.” Geoff puts in.

Zayn picks up his beers and cheers him. Unlikely. He’ll never take money off them, not even if he was about to become homeless. He doesn’t want too owe them anything or let them own any piece of him.

The table goes back to chatting with one another and just when Zayns about to excuse himself, he feels Liam’s thick strong hand, hold his thigh. Zayn smiles softly and endures the rest of the conversations.

 

 _‘--happy birthday to Gaby and Max, happy birthday to you!’_ Everyone sing songs.

Gaby and Max clap their hands happily, eyeing the massive chocolate cake in front of them.

“Blow out the candles,” Liam cheers.

Max and Gaby lean down, their tiny hands on the table as they blow out the candles. “Don’t forget to make a wish!” Zayn adds.

“What’d you wish for?” One of their friends-- Timmy, Zayn thinks, asks.

“For a puppy!” Max yells, giggling when Harry gasps. “You can’t say what you wished for, or it won’t come true.” Harry teases.

Max pouts, “But I want a puppy.”

Zayn looks across the table to Liam, an understanding in their eyes. If Max doesn’t forget about his new idea for a dog, they won’t hear the end of it.

“Liam, Zayn. Get behind your kids, I want some photos.” Trisha calls out.

Zayn walks over and holds Max in his arms, giving him a kiss on the cheek and tickling him. “You’re my big boy, aren’t you?” Zayn joyfully says.

Max giggles, his laughter brighter than the sun, Zayn reflects. If he ever had to compare it to something, the sun is what it would be.

Liam’s on his side, holding Gaby in his arms.

“Say cheese,”

“ _Cheese,”_ They all say in sync, wide smiles on their faces.

 

By eight-thirty, Zayn’s worn out. His parents have just left. He reminds them about Eid next week and kisses them goodbye.

“Tell the kids we love them.” Trisha scolds Liam and Zayn.

The kids passed out once their friends left. Zayn’s surprised, he’d assumed all the lollies they ate would keep them awake all night.

“Now the grannies are gone and the kids are asleep, let’s chill with more pints.” Niall announces.

Zayn laughs, dropping into the lounge. “No more for me, but you guys keep going.”

Liam takes a beer from Niall’s extended hand. “I need another,” he says popping the cap open and gulping the beer.

“Slow down,” Zayn nervously laughs.

Liam wipes his mouth and shrugs. “It’s been a long day.”

“Cheers,” Harry announces, bringing his bottle up in the air. “To Zayn and Liam-- for raising two wonderful children.”

“Here, here.” Louis adds.

“And to me, because I’m no longer single.” Harry quickly adds.

They all break out in a laugh. “ _shh_ ,” Zayn whispers, pointing to the corridor. If the kids wake up and see their uncle Harry still here, Zayn doubt’s they’ll go back to sleep without a fight.

“So are you fellows really interested in buying a house?” Louis suddenly asks.

Zayn and Liam look to one another and then back to Louis, both nodding. “We can afford a mortgage, but we just want that extra money on top, so we don’t owe more in the years to come.”

“Smart move, but if you invest now, and pay off faster, you can have the house paid off by the time you hit forty.” Pause. “And your interest will be lower.” Louis adds. “I work in real estate-- so if you have any questions, or want any help, I’ll be glad to guide you guys.”

“Thanks Louis,” Zayn smiles kindly towards Louis, definitely keeping his offer in mind.

Liam gives Harry a pointed look, “you did score yourself a good guy here, Harry.”

Harry beams and snuggles closer into Louis’ side, “I waited long enough.”

Zayn smiles at Harry and Louis, then looks at Liam and himself, noticing the distance between their bodies. He slides over, so they’re touching. Liam doesn’t flinch or pull back, but he doesn’t acknowledge Zayn either.

Harry must notice, because he speaks up. “You okay, Liam? You seem tense.”

“Ask Zayn,” he mutters.

Zayn rolls his eyes and moves slightly away from Liam. “Is this about earlier? With my work?” Zayn asks.

Liam sips his beer and shrugs. Zayn scoffs and turns to the other boys. “Excuse my husband. He’s clearly forgotten the kids turned 5 today, not him.”

Liam glares at Zayn, “At least I celebrated with my kids for their birthday. Half the time you were missing in action, too busy on your phone.”

Zayn gives a puzzled look, confused and annoyed by Liam’s comment. “I’m sorry. Was I not out there socialising with everyone and jumping around with the kids and singing happy birthday.” Pause. “Just like you, may I add.”

“You weren’t completely there. I could tell you were disconnected.” Liam concludes.

“I think you’ve had enough to drink there, mate. It’s going to your head.”

Niall awkwardly coughs, and Zayn looks around, completely forgetting they had guests. He gives them an uneasy smile.

“I’m feeling tired, think we’re going to jet it.” Harry speaks up, a fake yawn at his lips. Zayn’s grateful, either way.

“Yeah, I’ll go too. Since Louis’ my ride,” Niall timidly laughs.

Zayn gets up and hugs them all, “Thanks for coming. And all the presents too, you didn’t have to.”

“It’s our pleasure,” Harry says, giving a wave to Liam who isn’t staring at them, but the ground instead.

“Nice meeting you, Zayn.” Louis waves goodbye.

Niall pats his shoulder and looks over to Liam, “Hope you guys are gonna be okay.”

Zayn waves him off, “We’ll be fine. Thanks though.”

“Goodnight!” Zayn waves goodbye.

He shuts the door, and leans his head on the timber for a moment, trying to compose himself.

He hears Liam shuffling around, so he turns.

“Thanks for making that whole situation awkward.” Zayn sarcastically speaks. He goes over to help Liam clear up the rest of the rubbish.

“I don’t need your help,” he snaps.

“What the fuck is your problem.” Zayn angrily whispers.

“You, Zayn. You’re my problem.”

Zayn gasps slightly, taken back by Liam’s comment. He didn’t expect that, if he’s being honest.

“Can you tell me what I did wrong?”

Liam rubs his hands over his face, “You were disconnected today. I needed to keep looking for you.”

Zayn waits for the rest. “And?” he chimes.

 “You’re so far up your works arse, when you’re home you aren’t really here.”

“Liam,” Zayn sighs. “I was gone once, maybe twice. I’m sorry, alright? But there is no need to be a fucking twat about it. I’m stressed and I’m trying really hard to not let it get to me.”

“You’re always fucking stressed. This client bullshit is making you so invasive to your surroundings.” Liam yells.

Zayn steps back, shocked by his tone. “Can you keep your volume low? The kids are sleeping.”

Zayn shakes his head, he doesn’t know what’s gotten into Liam, but it’s clear something’s built up. “I’ll try and not let work get to me anymore, okay? Can we just make up and go sleep this day off.” Zayn gently requests.

“You can go to bed, I’m going to watch some TV.” Liam moves past him and sits on the sofa, pressing play to whatever movie is in the DVD player.

“God you’re a dick when you drink.” Zayn snarls. “You’re so far up your own arse, you don’t see I put effort into this day as much as you did. I fucking stood there even though your own mother couldn’t look at me once. But _no_ , I’m the one that’s disconnected; I’m the one that never makes effort.”

Liam gets up and laughs, but it’s bitter and leaves a sick feeling in Zayn’s stomach. “I knew you were upset about my parents, I could sense it from the beginning.” Pause. “You’re the one that told me to invite them.” Liam points out.

“ _I know,”_ Zayn drags. “But even at my own kids’ party they can’t show me respect.”

Liam’s face softens, but he’s still tense in his wrinkled forehead. His hands are on his sides, palms opening and closing like this remedy is calming him down.

“Is this what you wanted to hear?” Zayn asks.

“I feel like shit,” Liam mutters.

Zayn scoffs, moving forward towards Liam. “Too much drinking.”

Liam shakes his head, “No.” he looks up and grabs Zayns hands. “Cause I shouldn’t have let my parents enter this house. I thought they’d give you respect too, but I was wrong.”

“Liam--” Zayn gets cut off.

“I was mad about you being on your phone but I got over it. Than the whole day happened, and I could tell how uncomfortable you were and it upset me that I didn’t protect you.” Liam comes forward and places their foreheads together. “I’m sorry for being shitty and taking it out on you.”

Zayn chuckles, confused by the change of attitude so rapidly, but he welcomes it nonetheless. “I don’t need protection. But, the fact that my feelings affect you does prove a lot.”

“You’re my husband. You and the kids are my priority now. If you are hurting, I am too.”

“I love you,” Zayn leans up and kisses Liam. He hates fighting with him, it leaves him feeling somewhat hollow inside. Like some part of him has gone, even if it’s the smallest argument. It’s probably a fear, Zayn thinks. It isn’t normal how much he relies on Liam in his daily life. How much Liam absorbs around his world, as if he’s the whole reason for his existence.

Liam pulls back, licking his wet lips. “I love you more.”

 

 

Zayn massages his temples as he listens to Liam read out countless of numbers out loud. He would zone out if all this financial talk didn’t impact his family.

“Okay, next month’s rent is due this week,” Liam says. “So, we need to either take that out of your income or mine.”

“Is there any bills due soon?” Zayn asks, looking through all the scattered papers on their bed.

Liam bites his lip and leans down to grab some documents, “The water and electricity bill isn’t due until two weeks, but I can use my wages to pay that.”

“Don’t forget we need to put money in our savings account and the children’s ones,” Zayn adds.

Liam growls and throws the papers on the bed. He lies down on the mattress and closes his eyes, Zayn pats his thigh. “It’ll get better, boo.”

“I hate having money issues,” Liam opens one eye and looks up towards him.

Zayn gives him a reassuring smile, “We don’t have money issues. We’re just saving, so it seems like we do.”

Liam gets back up and grabs the sheet he was holding before. “Nursery is where everything is fucking us up. Once the kids are enrolled in school, we’ll have a little more cash.”

“We should talk to Louis about getting a mortgage loan out. I don’t want to waste any more time saving enough money for a house, let’s just get a loan.” Zayn suggests.

Liam’s reading the paper in front of him and nods, “I agree, babe.” Pause. “We should start looking at properties we want to live in, preferably before the kids begin school.”

“Yeah,” Zayn agrees. “I don’t want them traveling far for school, and we have to make sure it’s close to our works too.”

Liam rolls his eyes. “Hey,” Zayn snaps. “What was that for?”

“Of course you’re worried about how far you’re going to travel for work,” Liam sniggers.

Zayn leans over and pushes Liam, crinkling the bills along the way. “Shut up.”

“Can we go to bed now, I’m tired.” Zayn whines.

Liam looks up and glares at him. “You said we’re going to fuck tonight.”

“Liam, it’s nearly 12am.”

“And your point?”

‘I’m tired, babe.” Zayn confesses. “Tomorrow morning, please.”

“It’s been one week, Zayn. One week. But fine, let’s pack up. All this financial talk hurts my head, anyway.”

They pack up all the bills, placing them in Liam’s bed side drawer. The reality drawer, Zayn likes to call it.

Zayn feels Liam’s presence come up behind him, fitting himself into the curve of his body.

“Imagine a bigger house, more bedrooms and a bigger kitchen and backyard for the kids to play in.”

Zayn feels the fear of reality begin to appear, he tries to hide it, tuck it away under his naïve heart.

“You can have your own office or art room. The kids can have their own bedrooms.” Liam keeps rambling, his words whispering into Zayn’s ear, but somehow they feel so loud.

“What’s wrong?” Liam asks, noticing Zayn’s frozen figure.

Zayn shakes his head, swallows the lump in his throat. “I really want all of this for us.”

“Then what’s the problem? “Liam asks softly, stroking his hand up and down his arm.

“I’m worried I may not be able to give that all to you.” Zayn croaks out.

“Hey,” Liam leans down and licks into his mouth. “We’ll get through everything, _together.”_

“I hope so,” Zayn whispers into Liam mouth.

 

 

The two weeks Zayn has off is a blur. It’s fun, don’t get him wrong. He loves to spend time with his children. They do activities every day-- just the other week they were at the zoo, Zayn helping Max feed the giraffes. His parents came over for Eid and spent the night, since driving back to Bradford would have been a hassle. Liam made traditional Pakistani food and listened to his father read the Quran out to the kids. It was a perfect night, Zayn thinks.

 They’ve also gone to the pool every other day. Zayn hates swimming, but for his family he’ll drown. He kind of feels this is his life right now, barely keeping afloat in water, so close to drowning, but never going completely under.

 Zayn promised himself he’d never be that man that works all the time, but here he was doing just that. He missed Gaby touch a tiger because he was on the phone with his boss. He missed Max swimming by himself, because he was checking emails.

His whole world his flashing him by, and Zayn has no idea how to grab a hold of it, make it all stop.

Liam’s given up on trying to pull him away from it all. Zayn understands his frustration, but Liam doesn’t seem to understand Zayn’s own.

Liam has it easy, Zayn thinks. His job doesn’t expect so much off him. But Zayn? Zayns job isn’t a secure one. One fuck up could have him out of work in an instant. This is all he knows, and Zayn can’t stop giving a 110% because his husband is angry at him.

Liam will thank him in the future, when they have their own place, and they’re secure in all aspects of their life.

For now, if Liam goes to bed angry at Zayn, Zayn accepts that. He deserves it, even.

 

 

“How were your holidays?” Luke asks, walking into Zayn office with a smile on his face. Zayn narrows his eyes, was he dreaming. His boss never smiled, not to him anyway.

“Good thanks. Nice to spend time with the family,” Zayn smiles.

Luke shrugs, “I wouldn’t know what that’s like. I prefer the one night stand life.”

Right. “Is there something I can do for you?” Zayn asks, searching Luke’s face for unknown answers.

Luke wiggles his eyebrows, “How’d your date go with Mr. Marvin. 

“It wasn’t-- it was a work meeting,” Zayn splutters.

Luke huffs out a laugh, “Whatever it was, Josh is more interested than ever. I knew you had it in you, Malik.”

Zayn flushes and swallows some salvia built up in his mouth. “So, is he signing with us?”

“I wish,” Luke snorts. “But, he’s nearly there.”

“Okay…” Zayn trails off; unaware of what Luke wants from him.

“Take him out on another one.”

“Um--” Zayn begins.

“--In London,” Luke cuts him off.

Zayn’s heart sinks. “I can’t-- I-- is this necessary?”

“The company will pay for everything. It’s just a one night thing.” Luke casually says, as if he isn’t putting Zayn in a very compromising situation.

“I need to speak with my husband about this.”

“Zayn,” Luke deadpans. “It’s one night. Leave Saturday, return Sunday.”

“Okay, yeah.” Zayn stutters. “Should be fine.”

Luke grins and gets up. “I’ll confirm all the details with you later on in the week.”

“Thanks,” Zayn mutters. He feels a sick sensitivity form in the pit of his stomach. He tries to push it away, but it won’t leave him. He tries to think of happiness and his family comes to mind, but it’s like a circle, and the happiness connects with the sadness and the cycle begins once more.

 

 

“Why do you have to go to London for?” Liam calls from the bed.

Zayn puts some toothpaste on his toothbrush and turns the tap on, “I don’t know, show the client the life he could have or some shit.” Zayn calls back, before putting the toothbrush in his mouth.

“But.” Zayn can imagine Liam’s face when he says this, all confused and scrunched up. He hates himself. “Why do _you_ have to go?”

Zayn walks out of the bathroom towards Liam, “He ma client, Leeyam.” He mumbles around the toothbrush.

Liam rolls his eyes, “Yeah, I get that,” he snaps, “but all the way in fucking London? Ridiculous if you ask me.”

Zayn nods his head in agreement and goes back to rinse his mouth out.

“It’s only one night.” Zayn comes back into the room, turning off the lights before jumping into bed and pinching Liam’s bum. “I’ll be back before you start to miss me.”

“Who else is going?” Liam asks. “Are their families okay with this?”

Zayn stills and tries to swallow down the lump forming in his tight, dry throat. He doesn’t mean to lie, he honestly doesn’t but it was like word vomit and he couldn’t stop himself. “Luke’s single and Josie’s husband is fine with it.” Zayn shrugs casually.

Liam nods once then rolls over to turn off the side lamp. He rolls back around and cuddles into Zayn. “I’ll look at houses without you and snap you some of my favourites.”

Zayn snuggles closer into Liam’s embrace, the tightness of his hold, somehow making him feel loose.

“Can’t wait, boo,” Zayn mumbles before letting the darkness take over.

 

**-**

“Thanks for coming with me to look at houses,” Liam says to Louis.

Louis grins, “Anytime, Mate. Harry was happy when he heard we were going to be hanging out together.”

Liam laughs, “Of course he was.”

They’re driving around Wolverhampton, Louis with papers and recommendations about good houses to invest in on his lap. Zayn’s already left for London, leaving him to do all of the work. Typical, Liam thinks.

He’s not mad at Zayn for leaving, he knows this is his job and he can’t expect him to give everything up for them. But, it’s like his job is the only thing that matters these days. Liam tries not letting the bad thoughts devour his mind, but it’s hard sometimes. He feels that Zayn’s drifting from him, into his own world and Liam has no idea how to grab him back.

The last time this happened was in university-- when they had major exams going on. They had been dating for one year or so and Zayn detached himself completely from Liam, which nearly caused them to break up. He let the stress, and exams take over his mind. Let it consume him until he was a ticking time bomb and one small thing, could have him blowing up completely.

Liam understands that, that was Zayn. It’s a part of the reason why he loves him. But they’re not twenty one anymore. They’re not young kids in love, ready to explore the world without any responsibilities. They have two massive responsibilities now. It’s not about them anymore, but their two kids and this family they have to take care of.

Zayn can separate himself from the world if has too, he can even separate himself from Liam. But he can’t separate himself from his children. These are the moments they need to be here for and Liam’s scared-- scared that Zayn’s missing out on the most important memories, all because he has suffocated himself into work, into everything but reality.

“Turn left into this street,” Louis directs, taking Liam out of his thoughts. “Then turn right into that driveway.” Louis points out.

Liam turns into the driveway; it’s quite long before he comes up to the two story house In front of them.

Behind him, he hears the kids whisper ‘ _wow_ ’ in wonder.

The house is big, nothing compared to the single story house they live in now.  It’s brown and white, three windows lining up against one another on the top level, while the bottom level has two white wide windows with a door between them.

“As you can see, you will get privacy,” Louis begins. “The big bushes are used as gates and the only way people can see into your lives, is if they climb over.” Louis laughs

Liam turns around, facing the children. “What do you says kids, you wanna live here?”

They both squeal and talk over one another. “I wanna live here,” Max claps.

“Are you and Baba going to live here,” Gaby asks.

Louis and Liam both giggle, “Of course, love. We’ll be here as a family.”

“ _Yay_ ,” they say in sync.

Liam gets out his phone and opens up Snapchat. He holds the middle button down and starts to record his surroundings. He types out the caption _‘what you think?_ ’ Before sending it off to Zayn.

“Should we look inside?” Louis asks.

They kids nod their heads enthusiastically. They all get out of the car and the kids begin to run towards the door.

“Guys, calm down.” Liam calls out.

“They’re very hyper.” Louis points out.

“You have no idea,” Liam agrees.

When they open the door, the kids already run off. “Max, Gaby.” Liam yells sternly.

They rush back in the foyer, pouts on their faces. “Don’t run,” Liam says. “And stay somewhere where I can see you.”

 

When you first walk into the door, you see a stairwell which breaks out the top on both sides. On the left side there are two white closed doors; on the right you have three closed doors. As you continue walking into the foyer, on the right side is the living room which is wide and spacious. Perfect, Liam thinks. They walk into the living room, which leads into the kitchen. It’s wide and bright, the window above the sink letting the sun shine in.

Louis points towards a door, “The laundry is back there, and so is one of the back doors to the backyard.”

They go through an archway, which leads to the dining room. It’s massive and can probably fit a 10 table seater in there.

They go on the other side of the house, which has a bathroom and another room on the left, near the glass door which leads to the backyard, also.

“This is… amazing.” Liam stares around, already feeling like he could call this place home.

“Daddy,” Max pulls his top to gain his attention. “Can we go play outside?”

Louis leads them to the backdoor; the backyard is massive, unlike anything Liam’s ever lived in.

The front half of the yard has a wooden floor, than it breaks down to fresh green grass.

“It’s perfect for the kids to play outside, while you and Zayn sit on the yard,” Louis speaks, “you can even make this a patio area, add a barbeque and some chairs, etc.”

Liam observes everything, and Louis is right. It’s perfect in summer time, the kids playing outside while Zayn and Liam lounge around and watch them.

He gets out his phone, “Let me just Snapchat this all to Zayn,” Liam laughs, embarrassed that he’s actually addicted to this app.

Louis smiles, “Did Harry get you into it?”

“Yeah, how’d you know?” Liam turns to face Louis.

Louis takes his phone out and smiles, “He got me into it too.” They both laugh together.

“Kids,” Liam calls out. They stop and turn to look at him. “Smile for the camera, I’m going to send some photos to Baba.”

Gaby instantly comes forward and smiles sweetly up to the camera, Max follows after, scrunching his face up, so his teeth show and his eyes looked close. Liam steps backwards, so he can get some of the backyard in the camera.

“Done,” Liam grins and then the kids are off running again. He records a video of them playing around in the yard, putting the text _‘the kids already love this place’_ before sending it off to Zayn.

“I’m going to go take some proper photos, so I can show them to Zayn later.”

“Max, Gaby! Come inside now.”

“I want to keep playing,” Max yells out.

“You don’t even have sunscreen on; you’re going to get sunburnt.”

“No I’m not.” He sits on the grass and crosses his arms and legs.

Liam sighs, walking over to him. “Why are you not listening to me today?” Liam crouches down so their face to face.

“I want Baba,” Max pouts.

“You can see him tomorrow; now let’s get inside before you fall down from the heat.”

Max doesn’t move and Liam gets up, walking off. “Fine, stay there. But when we get home, no playing for you.”

“I’m being a good girl, daddy!” Gaby calls out, her two little feet running over to him. “Can I still play?”

Liam looks down and smiles softly, “Yes, you can.”

Liam looks over his shoulder towards Max and he’s moving, but stops when he sees Liam looking. Stubborn like his father, Liam thinks.

Liam takes some quick photos before leaving the house. It’s just past two pm and the kids are in need of a nap, especially Max who clonks out straight away when they begin to drive off.

“So, which houses did you like?” Louis asks, when they drive back to Liam’s.

“House two and five,” he says easily. “But house five more. I really want it. I hope Zayn likes it.”

“I was going to tell you before, but you we’re so enchanted by the house, I didn’t get a chance.” Louis begins.

 Liam turns to look at him, “Oh god, what is it.”

“House five is 50k out of your limit,” He hesitantly says.

“Oh,” Liam says.

“Can you guys afford that? If you could, it would just mean the mortgage will be extended, but think of this from a future point of view, it’s more beneficial for everyone even though it won’t seem like it when you’re reaching that point.” Louis rambles.

“You’re a very good real estate agent,” Liam compliments.

“The best,” Louis grins, confidence in his tone.

When they arrive home, Louis helps Liam carry Gaby into the room; both kids had fallen asleep on the way home.

“Thanks,” Liam whispers, closing the blinds so the sun doesn’t shine in their room. They tip toe out into the kitchen.

“Anytime,” Louis starts to collect his belongings. “Just speak with Zayn and get back to me,” he says.

Liam nods, “Thanks mate, I will. Can you keep the house open for as long as possible?”

“I’m the best, Liam. Course I can,” Louis waggles his eyebrows and then his off.

Liam falls onto the couch, he suddenly feels tired. The kids are sleeping; his husband’s not here to occupy him and Liam realizes he can actually sleep.

 

When Liam wakes up it’s to someone taping his face. He opens one eye and see’s Max smiling down at him. “Wake up time!” he says.

Liam grabs him and brings him down onto his chest, cuddling into his small body.

“Did you sleep well?” Liam asks, not letting go of his son.

Max tries to shake out of his hold, placing his tiny hands on Liam’s wide chest, staring into his eyes. “Gaby woke me up, saying you left us.”

Liam laughs out loud, “I would never leave you or Gaby.”

Max swallows, “Then why are we moving?” 

Liam shakes his head fondly, “We’re all moving together. Into a bigger house so you can have your own room and a bigger backyard to play around in.”

Max grins, “Yay, I want a big backyard. Can Timmy and Lilly come over to play with me?”

“You’ll have so much space to play with all your friends.”

Max squishes his face together and rolls out of Liam’s arms, safely going down on the floor.

He grabs Liam’s hand and starts to pull him, “I’m hungry!”

“Hold your horses,” Liam says, sitting up and getting his phone off the ground. He has new snaps and messages from Zayn.

“After dinner, we’ll call Baba,” Liam says happily.

“Yay,” Max claps and runs off to god knows where. A few seconds later, Liam hears him say to Gaby, “Daddy said we can call Baba after dinner. So be good.”

Liam sniggers fondly, he’s honestly in love with every little thing about his children.

 

After dinner and a movie, Liam baths them and puts them into his bed. They can sleep with him tonight, feel the emptiness Zayn left.

Once they’re all snuggled in bed (Liam in between Max and Gaby) and throw a thin blanket over their legs, since the windows ajar and they call Zayn.

“Hi Baba,” Gaby says. “I miss you.”

_“Hi baby girl, I miss you too.”_

“Baba, I’m here!”

_“Maxi, how are you, son? Being good for Daddy?”_

Max nods then quickly says, “Yes we saw houses today and Daddy says we can have a big backyard.”

“I want my own room with pink walls and butterflies and dragons all over my wall!” Gaby breaks in.

Zayn laughs over the phone, _“We’ll get you all of that stuff, promise sweetie.”_

“Zayn,” Liam says.

_“Hey boo, miss you guys.”_

“How’s wor-- Gaby, stop kicking Max!” Liam snaps.  Liam hears Zayn snigger. “Sorry. How’s work?”

Zayn sighs, “What it’s always like, painfully annoying. But I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon.”

“Can we go to the pools when you come back?” Max asks.

 _“If it’s hot,”_ Zayn replies.

 Max looks up to Liam, making a confused face then back down to the phone. “Baba, it will be hot because it’s summer.”

 Zayn and Liam both laugh _. “Very true son, well tomorrow when I come, be ready and we’ll all go for a swim! How was the house? I saw some photos you sent me, looks great.”_  

“Babe, it’s perfect for us. Five bedrooms, an open kitchen and dining room connected. Three bathrooms, one would be in our room.” Liam rambles on. 

_“Sounds great Li, but look-- I have to go, the clients here and we’re going to go have dinner.”_

“It’s nine thirty,” Liam points out.

_“He’s twenty-three, babe. They do things differently to us old farts.”_

“Okay, well good luck and see you tomorrow. Say goodnight to Baba.”

“Goodnight Baba, I love you.” Gaby says.

“Good night Baba, I love you and I’ll wear my board shorts tomorrow.” Max adds.

 _“Goodnight babies, I love you and miss you a lot. Miss you too, Liam. See you tomorrow.”_ Then he’s gone.

Liam puts on some cartoons for the kids, letting them fall asleep to Tom and Jerry.

He’s bored. It’s a Saturday night and he’s at home with the kids while his husband is in London, eating expensive food and socialising with people.

 Cool, Liam thinks as he takes out his phone and goes on Facebook. _Cool._

 

 

When you’re young and single, you never fantasise about the married life, and if you do, you’d probably wonder how anyone could marry someone and be with them forever. It’s what Liam used to think anyway. When you’re not in relationship, how are you expected to think about forever? He used to always ask, drunk at the clubs, random faces he has never seen before, listening to his ramblings.

Liam never saw himself being married so young, never saw himself even having children. He always expected his life to be a different man every night, kind of lifestyle. Then he met Zayn and suddenly his entire world shifted. It wasn’t what _‘kind of bachelor pad will I buy for myself_ ,’ but rather, ‘ _what kind of home can Zayn and I live in.’_

It wasn’t _I’m going to go out tonight and party at some dingy club_ , but rather, _let’s take Zayn out to dinner_ , or even, _how about Zayn tags along to the club._

Overtime, Zayn somehow fit into Liam’s world, even became it.

So, when you’re young and dumb, you don’t think about forever. But when you’re married, you do. And it’s scary, and nerve-racking and really fucking annoying. Especially when you have fights that seem never ending, and you’re thinking to yourself, _how the fuck am I going to share a bed with you for the rest of my life._

You can take the wedding day, the kids being born, all the love making, all the happy moments shared together and put them into a box, and then give the box to Liam, and he’ll most likely throw it away. Instants when an argument is happening, Liam doesn’t remember these happy moments that ever occurred. He doesn’t think forever and become happy, he thinks forever, and wants to run.

Zayn’s screaming at him, it’s really inconvenient for everyone involved. When Zayn screams, you might as well step back, but if Zayn’s screaming for no apparent reason, there is no saving you.

“Are you listening to me, Liam?” Zayn snaps. Liam shakes his head and turns to face Zayn’s angry, red face.  He assumes it’s from the pool but it could be a mixture of anger and sunburn.

“You should’ve worn sunscreen like I said,” Liam remarks.

Zayn’s eyes squint towards him, and Liam feels a shiver of fear run down his spine. Oops.

“You think this is a joke?” Zayn snarls.

Honestly, Liam doesn’t even remember why they’re fighting.

“Zayn…” Liam softly says, no degrading tone being used. “If you just calmed do--“

“Don’t tell me to fucking calm down!” He screams. Well then. “I have had it up to here with stress from work, and I want to come home to less stress but you make it fucking worse!” Zayn confesses.

Liam scrunches his face, he didn’t expect this outburst. He made it worse? How did he make it worse? “How?” he asks confused.

“Because,” Zayn sighs. “You tell me you found us a home but leave out the part where it’s an extra 50k, as if we can actually afford that?”

“This is why you’re screaming?” Liam yells, patience gone. “Because of the house and money? You couldn’t talk to me about it like a mature person.”

“You wouldn’t even listen!” Zayn snaps. “Once you want something, that’s it, we have to go for it.”

“You must have gotten really fucking sunburnt, mate. The suns burnt some of your brain cells.” Liam says, shock in his tone. He has no idea what the fuck is going on and how talking about their house triggered Zayn to become this manic.

“Don’t fucking call me mate, mate,” Zayn spits out.

Liam glares to Zayn, his chest is rumbling from how much anger he feels bubbling inside of his tense body. He breathes in and out once. “You’re a twat, and you should go into some snow and cool the fuck off, until then, stay away from me.” Liam slowly speaks, his tone angry nonetheless.

“See,” Zayn growls. “You don’t want to hear what I have to say!”

 

“But look at you, you yell at me rather than speaking with me properly,” Liam points out.

 “You’re so fucking patronizing, Liam.”

“Daddy? Baba?” Gaby cries out, “Can you stop fighting with each other, it’s hurting my ears!”

Liam shakes his fuzzy head and looks down. Gaby’s at their open bedroom door, cuddling her blankie and using one arm to cover both her ears. Liam feels horrible that he and Zayn fought like this in front of the children. Their fights never become this out of hand when they are around 

Liam walks over to Gaby and picks up her tiny body into his arms. He squeezes her than pulls back, so their face to face. “I’m sorry, sweetie. Me and Baba we’re just play fighting.”

Gaby pouts and wipes her tired eyes; it must be time for bed. “But you were screaming very loud and saying bad words that you said me and Max aren’t allowed to say.”

Liam feels guilt rush throughout his whole body. He promised himself he would never be that guy who screams in front of his children, no matter what the situation.

“That’s true and Baba and I are very naughty, so don’t listen to us.”

Gaby nods her head slowly, then turns around to look over at Zayn who’s sitting on the edge of the bed, face in his hands, back moving increasingly fast. “Baba, are you okay?” She asks, her face shifting in worry. She’s five and can already sense the moods of her fathers.

Zayn looks up and smiles weakly, coming forward to take her from Liam’s arms. “I am, baby. Just tired but I’m sorry for swearing and screaming. I won’t do it again,” he promises, placing a kiss at the tip of her nose, and then hugging her tightly.

Gaby giggles and kisses Zayn on the cheek.

 

Zayn and Liam both help one another with bath time and putting the children to bed. There is tension between them but they put it aside for the Max and Gaby. Once the kids are tucked in, Zayn quickly walks out of the room. Liam stays inside for a while longer, watching their children fall asleep.

He feels so blessed to have them, is thankful every day that he was lucky enough to get a surrogate and start a unique family at such a young age. Liam doesn’t have any regrets, how can he, when he looks at his two beautiful children and feels his life is complete, just by watching them grow every single day.

Liam kisses their sleeping heads once more and then tip toes to his room, he expects to find Zayn in there, but doesn’t. He walks down the corridor, to the kitchen and see’s the backyard light on, the blinds are open, but the screen door is shut.

He walks outside and sits on the chair beside Zayn, grabbing his packet of cigarettes and lighting one up.

The silence stretches on. The air is cold tonight, the summer breeze windier than usual. The only sound that surrounds them is the lighter, their inhales and the tree branches shifting together.

Liam breaks the silence, he knows Zayn won’t. That’s his husband, always stubborn no matter the circumstances.

“Can we talk calmly to one another, without screaming now?” Liam begins.

Zayn looks over to him and then grabs his smokes again, lighting another one up. That would be his third one in the last twenty minutes they’ve been out here. Liam wonders why Zayn’s decided to pick up smoking again. If it has something to do with helping his stress, it doesn’t seem to be working, Liam bitterly thinks.

“Liam,” Zayn speaks but doesn’t continue, just sighs.

Liam shifts his chair around, so he’s facing Zayn properly.

Zayn inhales his cigarette then begins to speak again. “I would do anything for this family, you know that right?” Zayn looks up at him, an unknown pleading in his eyes. Liam nods.

“It may not seem like it, but I just… you’re the most important things in my life.” Zayn rambles.

“I know that,” Liam reassures.

Zayn shakes his head, “I want to give everything I can to this family.”

Liam reaches out to hold Zayn's hand, the tips of his fingers cold. “This isn’t only your burden. We’ll take care of each other.”

“I don’t want to let you or the kids down is all,” Zayn whispers, wiping his eyes.

“Baby.” Liam feels like shit, he hates seeing Zayn upset. He didn’t realize how much pressure Zayn had on himself. “You’ll never let us down. Don’t over work yourself, or ever think that you need to give us everything, just so we’re happy.” Liam vows. “We just want _you_ to be happy-- I want you to be happy and if it means living here forever, or even in a smaller house. I don’t care. I just want you and this family to have happiness.” Liam punctuates the words, so Zayn understands how serious he is.

Zayn snorts, “Happy.”

“Zayn…” Liam trails off.

Zayn lights up another cigarette, his hands are now shaking but this seems to be the least of his worries.

“I got the client,” Zayn states.

Liam beams, “That’s great news, baby! Finally.”

Zayn huffs out smoke, “Yeah. Finally.”

“I thought you’d be happier that this will all be over?”

“It’s never really going to be over is it,” he says looking over to Liam. The backyard light is shining down on his face. Liam can see the wrinkles in his foreheads, the bags under his eyes and the redness of his face. He can tell something is off with Zayn, but he doesn’t know where to start looking, where to even begin to help, when Zayn is clearly pushing him away.

 Liam wants to help and be there for Zayn, but its clear Zayn doesn’t want to let him in. So what does he do? Does he let Zayn deal with whatever is going on by himself, or does he pressure Zayn into confessing his feelings, maybe even pushing him further away?

Liam’s confused, but looking at Zayn, he doesn’t even care about his own self at the current moment. He just hopes his husband is going to be okay.

“I’m always going to be here for you,” Liam whispers, his voice suddenly loud compared to the wind and the trees and the cars driving by. “Through thick and thin.”

What’s louder than any other sound tonight, Liam thinks, is the heartbreaking cry Zayn bursts out.

 

  **-**

Zayn looks at his reflection in the mirror, sees the darkness under his eyes, fixes his dark blue tie and wipes away some tears that are flooding around his eyes.

He swallows the lump in his throat and breathes in a few times, his eyes never leaving his own reflection.

Behind him, Zayn can see Liam sleeping in their queen bed. His on his side, legs splayed out, snoring softly. He looks so peaceful-- at ease and Zayn wishes he always looked like that. But lately he hasn’t and it’s his entire fault.

Zayn’s been stressed and self-loathing and it’s clearly affected his husband. He can tell by the way Liam walks around him, as if he is fragile and can easily be broken. He can tell in the way Liam doesn’t start the conversations anymore, but rather let’s silence fill up their four walls.

Liam’s waiting until Zayns ready, and he’s thankful for that. But. Zayn doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready.

He doesn’t even know what he is meant to be ready for. If Liam’s waiting for Zayn to come lean on him, console in him, it may take a while.

Zayn loves Liam with everything that he is, every fragment of his being. So, confiding in Liam, confessing to him, something that doesn’t even feel real to Zayn, himself, is the last thing he will do.

Zayn sighs, fixing the tip of his hair before walking over to Liam and playing a kiss on his wrinkle free forehead. “Love you,” He whispers before heading off to work.

 

 

“Zayn, A Harry Styles is on line two for you,” Maggie calls in.

Zayn scrunches up his face, but accepts the call.

 _“Zaynie,_ ” Harry says cheerfully. _“How are you, mate?”_

“Hey Harry, I’m good and you?” He asks, uncertainty in his voice, as to why Harry is calling him, (not that he doesn’t appreciate the call). He does need the distraction from his work.

 _“I’m good._ ” Pause. _“Sorry about calling you at the office…”_ Harry trails off.

“Don’t be sorry, what can I do for you?” Zayn hates how he sounds so reserved and closed off.

“ _Well, it’s Liam’s birthday this Friday_.” Wow, fuck it is. “ _And I’m sure you want to do something, so I thought I’d take the kids for the weekend, give you and Liam some time together._ ” Harry casually offers.

“Didn’t Liam ban you from babysitting?” Zayn remembers.

  _“He didn’t ban me._ ” Zayn can hear the pout in his voice, imagine his lips frowning down. “ _I’m offering up my assistance, you should be begging me to babysit your kids_.”

Zayn laughs, “I mean, if you did take the children on Friday night, it would be a good chance for me and Liam to celebrate his birthday…”

“ _Okay, that’s settled. I’ll come by after you finish work and pick them up.”_

“Thanks Harry, you know you didn’t have to offer.”

 _“I know Liam would like to have some time with you, it’s no biggie. Plus, Louis is going to help me babysit, and this can let me evaluate his skills with the children, see if he has potential to be my baby daddy_.”

_Liam would like some time with you._

Has Liam been confiding in Harry. “What do you mean Liam would like to have some time with you…” Zayn hesitantly begins. “Has he, uh, mentioned anything to you?”

Harry is silent and it answers Zayn’s question perfectly.

“What has he been saying,” Zayn softly asks, sadness filling his tired body.

Harry sighs, and Zayn can feel him pitying him, even though they’re over the phone. “ _He understands you’re busy at work and stuff. He’s just a little lonely and feels like you’re drifting from him. That’s all_.”

That’s all. Like it’s no big fucking deal that his husband feels this way. As if Harrys casually talking about the weather and not the fact that Liam is falling apart and it is all Zayn’s fucking fault.

“ _This is why Friday will be good for you two, to have. Hence why I’m taking the kids and I may not return them,_ ” Harry jokes, but even he can’t stop Zayn from feeling like he does right now.

 “Haz, I’ve got to go, but thanks for everything… I’ll-- I’ll see you Friday.” Zayn stammers out and hangs up.

He gets off his seat and starts to pace the room, is it him or are these walls closing in on him? He looks up to the ceiling, hands on his waist as he tries to breathe properly. He squints his eyes and swears he senses the ceiling closing down on him. 

Is it? Is everything closing in on him or is he just having a panic attack. Liam would know, Liam would help him fight these walls, these battles, fight the demons inside that are holding him hostage, making it so much more difficult for Zayn not to breathe.

_Liam Liam Liam Liam Liam._

Zayn feels he may collapse, he probably does considering next minute he feels pain rush into his skull, but it’s okay. It feels nice, Zayn thinks. The blackness takes over, even for a few seconds and it’s the best seconds Zayn’s felt in a long while.

When Zayn flutters his eyes open, he sees blurry people standing around his vision. He blinks a few times to get them back in focus. There’s Maggie with a worried look on her face, phone clutching her hand. Luke who seems to be worried too but is laughing once Zayn gets back up onto his feet.

“You nearly had us all worried there, lad.” Luke laughs, placing his hand onto Zayn shoulder. “You alright? Want us to call the ambulance?”

 Zayn shakes his head, face red from everyone hovering around him. “I’m fine,” he croaks out. “Just need water.”

Maggie nods her head and runs off to fetch some for him.

Once he’s had some water, everyone leaves Zayn’s office, accepting that he’ll be okay. Luke stays and sits on the couch, making himself comfortable in Zayn’s office.

 “You sure you don’t want to go home early?” Luke asks for the fifth time.

Zayn nods his head and sits back at his desk, he currently feels pain throbbing in his head, but it’s distracting, so he welcomes it.

“On Thursday, Mr. Marvin or Josh, however you like to call him, will be coming in with his lawyer, so we can sign all the documents to edit his book and publish it.” Luke suddenly says. Zayn hadn’t realized he was still in his office, too consumed in his own thoughts.

“Okay…” Zayn drifts off. “What does this have to do with me?”

“Well, you’re the one that got us this book!” Luke proudly says. “This is your client, Zayn. You’ll be in the meeting, and you’ll edit the book yourself.”

No. “No-- “ Zayn breathes out, ignoring Luke’s confused facial expression. “I mean. I’m okay if you want this client. I’m glad I got him for this company, but I have other work I need to complete and he’ll only be a distraction.”

Luke laughs, “He asked for you, Zayn. You’re now his boss.”

Zayn’s stomach begins to turn, the toast with peanut butter he ate this morning is swirling around and before he can help himself, he reaches out for the small metallic bin under his desk and places it on his lap, vomiting his breakfast, his guilt, and his self-hatred out.

 

Zayn calls in sick to work on Thursday and Friday. Saying he’s caught the bug and can’t stop vomiting. Luke witnessed his vomit the other day, so he believes the lie easily.

Zayn stays in bed all day. Gaby cuddles him, tells stories about her day at the pools, time spent with Uncle Harry or going over her friend’s house. Max doesn’t come near him, afraid to get sick. Zayn feels guilty, he knows how much Max hates being around people who are sick, somewhat traumatized from last year when caught a bad flu.

Gaby pretends to be a doctor and takes care of him, fixing his blankets and giving him water when she feels he becomes too hot.

 _I’m not even sick_ , Zayn wants to scream out. But he doesn’t because than Liam will ask questions and Zayn won’t have any answers. 

Friday morning, he pretends to feel better so Max will come snuggle with him on bed, watching morning cartoons and talking about what they want to get daddy.

“Maybe we can get him a black car because Batman drives a black car and Daddy has a white one,” Max says, eyes wide looking into Zayn’s.

Zayn ruffles his hair, and rolls them around on the bed, so Max is sitting on his chest; his tiny feet near his face. Zayn pretends to bite his foot.

“Baba!” He giggles.

“Later do you want to come for a drive with me to get Daddy a surprise cake?” Zayn asks.

Max smiles widely, “Cake!”

“Yes, for Daddy. But you can’t tell him where we are going, it’s a surprise.” Zayn places his index finger to Max’s thin lips, implying for him to keep it a secret.

Max nods, “I won’t tell Daddy.” He promises.

Zayn gets up and places Max on the mattress, tickling his stomach and kissing him all over his face. “Good boy!” He growls playfully. 

“Liam!” Zayn calls out, searching for his car keys and wallet. He finds them on the dining table, near Liam’s. “Max and Gaby are coming with me for a drive, be back soon.”

 Liam walks out a few moments later, towel around his neck, razor in his hand and shaving cream around his face.

 “Why are you shaving?” Zayn pouts, getting used to Liam growing his beard out.

 Liam shrugs, “I’m 28. I’m embracing the change within me.”

 Zayn nervously laughs, “Okay…” He shifts from one foot to another, the kids running down the corridor with their shoes on.

 “Ready to go?” Zayn asks them. 

They nod their head and go to open the door. “Bye Daddy! See you soon.” Gaby yells, eager to leave.

Max turns and makes a weird face towards Liam. “Daddy, what’s on your face?”

Liam laughs, “its shaving cream, son, so when I shave off the hair on my cheeks, I won’t get a wah wah.” 

“Can I have some?” He asks, stepping forward. Zayn intervenes and picks Max up. “One day you can,” Zayn promises.

 Max grins and waves goodbye to Liam. “Bye Daddy! We have a surprise for you but you can’t know what it is.” 

Zayn groans, “Max.”

  

When Zayn and the kids arrive home with a cheese cake and two balloons-- one each for Daddy, Zayn had said. They see Harry’s car in the driveway.

 “Uncle Harreh!” Gaby and Max run into the house, colliding into Harrys squatted body.

 “Hey cuties, you excited for a sleep over at Uncle Harry and Louis’ tonight?” He asks, giving them kisses on the cheeks and cuddling them.

 Max nods and says, “It’s Daddy’s birthday today, is he going to come?”

 “I thought it could just be us three and let Daddy stay home with Baba,” Harry smiles softly and Max seems okay with his reply.

 Gaby on the other hand has her hands crossed over her chest. “Why is Louis going to be there?” Zayn tries not to giggle at how she pronounces Louis.

 Harry gasps, “You don’t like Louis?”

Gaby shakes her head, “When we went to the pools last time you didn’t even play with us.”

 Zayn and Liam look over to one another, and give each other that look of _, ‘awe.’_  

Harry seems to do the same and pulls Gaby into his arms, squeezing her tight. “I’m sorry Gaby, I always want to play with you and Maxi.” 

He pulls back and let’s go of her, “I promise tonight, it will be all about you.” Harry beams, as does Gaby who’s satisfied with what he said.

“Me too!” Max chimes in.

Harry ruffles his hair and gets up, “You too, Max.”

 

**-**

They sing Happy Birthday to Liam and pop open the wine Harry brought as a present. Harry doesn’t drink but since Liam and Zayn are going to be alone tonight, they take advantage of their time and cheer one another.

“Do you have everything? Her blankie, her spare clothes and brush?” Liam worries, running around trying to gather everything for Max and Gaby. He can feel Zayn and Harry laughing at him in the corner of the room, but he doesn’t have time to yell at them. His kids are going over for a sleepover and it’s their first time ever-- and why isn’t Zayn beside him, freaking out.

“Zayn, are you sure we should do this? Don’t you think they’re too young?” Liam bites his lips, looking at Max and Gaby who are smiling excitedly, putting their backpacks on their backs.

Zayn walks over beside him, placing a soft hand on his shoulder and massaging his tense body. “They’ll be fine, it’s only for one night and if they cry, Harry can bring them back. We’re literally three blocks away from Harry, babe.”

Liam breathes in and out. Zayn is right, he does need to calm down and Harry doesn’t live far away and this is fine, everything will be fine.

“Don’t let them stay up too late and for the love of god Harry, no dancing naked or yoga this time.” Liam pleads carrying Gaby in his arms to the car.

“Can you calm the F down, Li. Even your kids are worried for you.”

Liam sticks his tongue out, and places Gaby in her child seat. “Be good for Uncle Harry and Louis. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah? Love you, sweetie.” He kisses her.

“Love you too, Daddy.” She hugs him back then let’s go, yelling for Harry to hurry up so they can go.

Liam comes over to Max’s side and cuddles him up. “Did you like the surprise, Daddy?”

Liam nods, “I did, and the cake was very nice.”

“Me and Gaby chose it.” He beams happily.

“You be good tonight and no fighting with Gaby. I love you, son.” Liam cuddles him and places a kiss on his forehead.

“Bye, bye Daddy!” Max yells outside the window door.

“Good bye, babies. I love you and remember to be good!” Liam yells, blowing kisses. On the other side of the car he sees Zayn doing the same.

“We’re growing up as parents,” Zayn states walking in the house. “That was harder than I expected, now it makes sense why you were fretting so much.”

“See,” Liam drags, “I wasn’t emotionally prepared for that.”

They grab their wine glasses and bottle and set off to the sofa, sitting fairly apart. It’s not awkward, but it’s definitely not comfortable. Things have changed between them, and Liam doesn’t know how to act around Zayn anymore.

They pour a few cups of wine and change the channel to MTV, (a top 10 countdown is playing.) Liam’s leg is twitching, he wants to say something to Zayn, touch him, and somehow reconnect with him, like he knows they can. It’s just the first part is hard, letting any awkward tension slip by and  being relaxed enough to admit, they both fucked up, but it shouldn’t affect their relationship.

Zayn suddenly giggles and Liam turns over to look at him. He’s face is down, hand over his mouth, as if he’s trying to stifle a laugh.

“What?” Liam asks amused.

“Remember when we snuck into Justin Timberlake’s concert but got caught.” Zayn laughs out. “I can’t believe I fucking did that, Li.”

“And you were like, _‘Liam, I’m scared I can’t do this, I don’t want to go to jail.’_ ” Liam imitates, laughing at the memory he can still remember so clearly.

“And you promised me a blowjob near the stage,” Zayn recollects.

“Hey,” Liam moves closer to Zayn, poking him in his stomach. “You got that blowjob, in the end.”

“You only gave me that blowjob because I was about to dump you for getting us caught!” Zayn points out.

Liam makes a mocking shocked face, “You would have not dumped me for that.”

Zayn snorts, “I was thinking about it.”

Liam places his wine down on the table and crawls into Zayn’s lap. He locks his hands around his neck and presses their foreheads together. “Remember that time you punched, what his face--“

“Aaron,” Zayn breathes out.

“Yeah, Aaron,” Liam slowly says. “Cause he was a twat and you just came into that room and punched him and fuck that got me so hard, seeing you punch someone for me.” Liam grinds his dick against Zayn’s tense body.

Zayn licks his dry lips, and swallows slowly. Liam gives him a crooked grin before leaning down and licking his tongue along Zayn’s lips.

“You fucked me hard, that night… af--after it happened,” Zayn stutters out, as if he’s unable to talk because he’s so turned on. Good. This is good, Liam thinks.

“Do you want to play tonight?” Liam asks, searching Zayn’s wide eyes.

“It’s your birthday,” Zayn declares.

Liam shakes his head, “I don’t care. I’m asking if you want to play.”

Zayn smiles softly, “Of course I do.”

“Fuck,” Liam whimpers. They haven’t played in forever. They barely have time to be adventurous with their sex life, especially when they play hard-core. It’s difficult for them to get into their roles, knowing the kids could interrupt anytime and Liam wouldn’t be able to take care of Zayn, because the children is his first priority.

Liam gets off Zayn and grabs a hold of his hand, dragging him to their bedroom. “You going to be good for Daddy?” Liam asks on the way.

Behind him, Zayn whimpers, “Yes, so good.”

Liam turns around to flash him a grin, “My good boy.” He praises.

“Strip and get on your hands and knees,” Liam demands and Zayn quickly complies.

Liam doesn’t remember how they got to this point in their sex life. Where Zayn gives every ounce of control over to Liam and trusts him wholeheartedly. 

Liam likes to be in control in the bedroom, but hadn’t realized, until he met Zayn. He’d always been vocal about what he wants, even when Zayn fucked him. But over time, he just learnt Zayn was so willing to give and Liam was happy to take.

He wasn’t stupid though and he did his research online. Reading articles about BDSM, subspace, master and slave, etc. He didn’t realize how many people explored kinks in the bedroom, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to ever reach a certain point those people were at with their partners. Alas, he continued reading and wrote down kinks he was willing to explore with Zayn and the rules involved.

So here they were now, eight years later, in a dominant and submissive relationship. Who would have ever thought?

Liam takes off his shirt, but leaves his sweats on. This is about Zayn, (ironic, since it was his birthday.) But Liam wants to do this for Zayn and it is the best present Zayn could give him in the end.

Liam goes onto the bed, sitting behind Zayn’s body. He grabs his arse cheeks and squeezes them, pulling them apart and watching Zayn’s hole flutter.

“Love you like this, baby. All willing and exposed for me,” Liam praises.

Zayn is breathing harshly and keens when he hears Liam speak. He loves it. Has told Liam numerous of times to be more vocal in the bedroom.

“What are you going to give me for my birthday?” Liam asks, tracing his fingers along Zayns spine.

Zayn turns his head around, focusing on Liam. His face is already flushed and they haven’t even begun. He’s biting his lip when he says, “You can spank me, Daddy.”

Liam leans forward and kisses each arse cheek. “How many?” He asks.

Zayn breathes out, ”I don’t--” He bites his lip again. “I don’t know. However much you want.”

“How about we do twelve? I haven’t spanked you in a while, and I don’t want to hurt you.” Liam suggests.

Zayn moans and drops his head between his arms. “You okay, baby?” Liam asks, leaning forward to drape his body over Zayn’s.

Zayn nods his head, “Yes. I just. I love when you take care of me.”

Liam scoots back up and takes off his sweats off, palming his hard cock and giving it some relief.

“Always will,” Liam coos.

Liam traces his fingers around Zayn’s arse cheeks, teasing him softly before raising his right hand and slapping his right cheek. Zayn hisses, a pleasure behind the pain.

Liam slaps him again, the paleness of his skin turning red for about ten seconds before fading out of colour. Zayn is breathing harder than usual; his cock is heavy and hard hanging between his legs. Liam can see the pre-come leaking, knows he could come from just the sound of a slap to his arse.

“Don’t come,” Liam reminds Zayn, who of course wants to be good for Liam, especially on his birthday. He nods his head and bursts out in a moan when Liam double slaps him on his left cheek.

Liam alternates slapping the left and right cheek, Zayn’s arse beginning to stay red, after the ninth time.

“Three more to go, baby. You’ve been so good for me,” Liam praises. He touches the red skin; Zayn hisses from over sensitivity but pushes his arse back, silently begging for more.

“You with me?” Liam asks, looking down to make sure Zayn’s still there. That Zayn’s aware and not gone off into his own head.

Zayn nods immediately, “Yeah. Green, Daddy.”

“Good boy.” Liam slaps his left and right cheek, one after the other quickly and harshly. Zayn groans out loud, his body shaking and cock leaking more pre come.

“Last one,” Liam says, not giving time for Zayn to react before using his left hand to pull apart his arse cheek, and slap his crack.

Zayn shivers, a loud sound leaving his mouth. “Daddy, Daddy please.” He whines, “Can I come, please.”

Liam tugs on Zayn’s cock, teasing him softly while considering his request.

“Think you deserve it?” Liam asks, popping his index finger into Zayns mouth. “Suck It.”

Zayn moans around his finger, sucking on the digit, slobbering it up.

Liam pops it out of his mouth and brings it to his arse, twirling it around his hole. “Do you deserve to come, baby?”

Zayn turns his head and locks eyes with Liam. His eyes are glassy, like he’s already drunk off Liam and sex, but he’s admiring Liam like he trusts him with his life, with everything. As he should.

Zayn swallows, all his movements becoming slow by now, Liam is patient with him. “Please--“ Liam cuts Zayn off, popping his finger into Zayn’s arse.

Zayn’s breath begins to quicken, his body rocking back and forward onto Liam’s finger. Liam leans down and licks around his hole, getting it extra wet with spit before adding another finger alongside. Zayn groans, as does Liam. He loves the way Zayn’s hole can takes his fingers, because it means he’s getting ready to take his cock.

Liam could do this forever. Just finger Zayn’s arse, getting it loose and wet. Watching Zayn shake but not come, hearing him moan but never complain.

“Remember that time I stuck four fingers into your tight hole, baby?” Liam recalls, teasing Zayn with his words. “You came so hard and I hadn’t even fucked you yet.”

Zayn whimpers, pushing back as Liam adds a third finger alongside his other two.

“Use your words, baby. Wanna hear you,” Liam demands nicely, his tone soft.

Zayn breathes out and slowly speaks, “Wanna ride your dick, Daddy. Show you how good I am.”

Liam fingers Zayn faster now, loving the sound of his fingers going in out of Zayn slick, pink hole.

“You can ride me. I’d like that.” Liam removes his digits and flips Zayn’s pliant body over, laying him on the mattress. Zayn automatically spreads his legs, allowing Liam to _take, take, take_ because Zayn just wants to _give, give, give._

Liam kisses along Zayn’s sweaty body; he can feel his heart, the beat of it pumping out of his chest. His breathing is harsh, his forehead and chest is filled with sweat. He looks fucked out, and he hasn’t even gotten cock into him yet.

“You’re so amazing,” Liam praises, kissing his chest then up to his lips. “Always so good for your daddy.”

“ _Daddy_ ,” Zayn chimes.

Liam kisses Zayn, lets his tongue slip into mouth and just kisses him. Zayn’s lips are soft, a little chapped because he’s been biting them since they started, but still soft enough. Zayn hums into Liam’s mouth, grinding his dick against Liam’s stomach trying to gain some friction.

Liam pulls back, licking his lips and shaking his head. “Zayn,” he asserts, holding his hips down. “You said you were good for me.”

“I am,” Zayn slowly replies, eyes wide and scared, as if Liam isn’t going to let him come at all tonight. He would, but seeing Zayn come just from riding his cock, is always a better outcome than not seeing Zayn come and waiting until Liam allows him. Another night, Liam thinks.

“You’re gonna ride my dick, and not come until I’ve come inside of you, “Liam divulges, sitting up and getting the lube from the side drawer.

Zayn nods, “Yeah.”

Liam slicks his cock up with lube, and uses the leftover lube on his fingers to circle around Zayn’s rim. Zayn whines, making a grabbing gesture for Liam’s hard cock. “I’m ready, please,” He begs.

Liam laughs, admiring Zayn flushed out, eager state. Zayn moves forward, placing both of his hands on his sweaty chest, while Liam holds his hip and aligns his cock against Zayn’s rim.

Zayn begins to slowly sink down, taking his cock further and further into his tight heat. They both groan, loving the sexual air arising between them. Once Zayn’s bottomed out, they take in a few breathes. Liam is touching Zayn all over, squeezing his hips, lightly slapping his bum and leaning up to place kisses all over his chest.

Zayn keens under the attention, trying not to move until Liam says he can.

Liam sucks Zayn’s nipple into his mouth, biting lightly as it becomes hard around his tongue. Zayn groans, rocking forwards and backwards, panting _Daddy, Daddy, Daddy._ Liam stops sucking, flicking his hard nipples once before he lays back down and places his hands behind his head.

“Ride my dick, Baby.” Liam urges.

Zayn weeps out, using Liam’s chest as leverage to hoist himself up, and then harshly bringing himself down.  Zayn’s so tight, his arse cheeks hitting the back of Liam’s thighs, overpowering every other sound in their bedroom. Zayn continues to fuck himself on his daddy’s cock, being the good boy he is. Liam places his hands on Zayn’s waist, watching his fingertips leave red prints on his hips before they begin to fade.

“So stretched for me, baby. Your arse just takes my cock so well, doesn’t it?” Liam casually speaks. Zayn stutters for a moment before regaining himself, fucking harder onto Liam, taking his cock more, even though it’s _physically_ impossible.

Liam feels the heat begin to bubble within his body, his muscles straining to compose themselves. He thrusts up into Zayn unexpectedly, just as Zayn goes down. Zayn screams out, pleasure written all over his face. Liam repeatedly pounds into Zayn’s arse, never letting his pace go.

“Nearly there, baby. You’re so good, keep going.” Liam encourages.

Zayn cries out- eyes closed, head tipped back. Liam slaps his arse once-- one on each cheek. Zayn’s eyes snap open; his eyes are glassy and locked onto Liam. Liam flashes him a smile, and then leans forward pecking his lips.

He fucks into Zayn two more times before he comes, spilling into him. “Baby,” Liam whimpers out.

Liam’s tired but he keeps pounding into Zayn, giving him what he deserves. “Can you feel my come in you?” Liam pants out. He drags his finger around to Zayn arse, feels his dick around his hole and some of the come seep out. “You’re so fucking hot,” Liam praises, unable to control what he’s saying. “Wish I could come in you and make you pregnant with my babies.”

Zayn whines, “Daddy, I can’t-- I need to come. Please, please,” he begs.

Liam considers his request for a moment, before sticking in his finger alongside his dick, stretching Zayn even more. Zayn groans out loud, an inhuman sound leaving his gaping mouth. “You can come,” Liam whispers, licking his earlobe.

Zayn touches his dick, and comes instantly; painting Liam and his own chest with come. Zayn falls down onto his chest, and Liam can feel wetness from Zayn’s tears on his shoulder.

“So good,” Liam praises. “You were so good, so amazing.” He coos, stroking up and down Zayns back.

“ _Good_ ,” Zayn echoes.

Liam removes Zayn from his body, laying him down and then placing his head on his chest, cuddling in beside his pliant body.

Zayn is still breathing irregular, and Liam lets him regain himself, knows it takes time for Zayn to come back, but he will. Until then, he continues to praise him, kiss his chest and lips and cheeks, adoring him in every single way he can. _So good. I love you. So good for your daddy._

Minutes have passed when Liam asks, “You with me?” He is looking up at Zayns blissed out face.

“ _Mm_ ,” Zayn moans. “Here.”

“You were so good Zayn. Fuck, I love you.” Liam gets up, licking into Zayns mouth.

Zayn hums and pulls back, scanning Liam’s eyes. “Thank you. I love you so much.”

Liam pecks him once, twice, three times before getting up to go to get a wash cloth and cream for Zayns bum. Zayn makes a displeased sound and Liam turns, “Just going to get some stuff to clean you up,” He reassures.

Zayn hesitantly nods his head, slowly sitting up while Liam quickly goes to collect some items.

When Liam returns, he notices Zayn visibly let go of his breath, as if he was holding it until Liam returned by his side.

“Let’s get you freshened up?” Liam suggests.

Zayn nods happily. “Happy birthday,” he whispers, cuddling into Liam’s touch.

 

 

 

Imagine you’ve had mind blowing sex with your partner who has been distant with you for months, but you’ve finally felt reconnected again.

Imagine having sex with your partner and then waking up eight hours later and reading a message off their phone.

Imagine your whole world falling apart at three little words.

Liam puts the phone down and runs to the bathroom, vomiting out cake and whatever else was in his stomach from the night before. Liam tastes wine and bitterness and anger in the core of his throat. He brushes his teeth and pinches himself, making sure this isn’t all a dream.

“You good, babe?” Zayn walks into the bathroom, leaning in the door. He’s naked, face content and body bruised from Liam’s fingers. Zayn twists his bum around and wiggles it, showing Liam his red arse cheeks. “You marked me well, I love it.”

Liam has the urge to vomit once more, but refrains and moves past Zayn. Zayn follows him, expression confused. “Li--“

Liam throws his phone at Zayn’s chest and utters, “You got a message.” He walks out before he can witness’ Zayn’s reaction.

Liam doesn’t eat when he goes into the kitchen, he does however grab water and the cigarette packet from the dining table. He slides open the backyard door, it’s the end of summer and he can feel the chill of autumn settle against his skin. He doesn’t mind though.

He smokes a cigarette, one after the other. His throat feels itchy and his mouth tastes dry and bitter. Liam doesn’t care though.

He isn’t sure how long he’s outside for, or how many cigarettes he has smoked or where Zayn is. Liam just zones out, lets his mind become blank, lets the darkness wash over him in a way.

When he hears the sound of the door sliding open, he jumps, shaking himself out of his hazy mind. It’s started to rain. Oh. Liam hadn’t noticed.

Zayn comes to stand in front of him, Liam’s university jumper keeping him warm.

“Liam, I-- ” Zayn begins, but stops. Liam can see his eyes are red. His cheeks are blotchy and it isn’t from the cold.

Liam heaves himself up and stands in front of Zayn. He never used their height difference to his advantage; never saw the reason why, since it wasn’t a big difference, but here now. He towers over Zayn, making him shrink into himself. Making him feel small and worthless, because this is what Liam feels, and he shouldn’t have to suffer alone.

Zayn is crying. Good, Liam thinks. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t feel like protecting Zayn, doesn’t feel like touching him, or even looking at him.

Liam wants to say something. Not scream, because he doesn’t have that within him at the current moment. But he wants to say words that will slice through Zayn. Make him feel more shit, make him feel like he’s nothing _but_ shit.

Liam can’t find the words though; they’re lost in his throat. He swallows down a lump forming, and goes inside. He hears Zayn sob some more, and he just doesn’t care.

Liam grabs some more water and sits on the sofa. He turns on the TV and watches the morning news. He isn’t watching though, he’s just staring. Everything is blank within him, somewhat hollow.

Zayn sits on the table in front of him, tissues in his hands, chest moving fast, hiccups leaving his mouth. Liam wants to punch him in the face.

“Say something,” Zayn wheezes out.

Liam doesn’t know what to say, he isn’t sure if he is _even_ able to speak.

“I’m so, so sorry, Liam.” Zayn sputters out. “I was going to tell you but I was scared because I’m shit and I didn’t want to hurt you and I never want to hurt you.” Zayn’s crying again. Liam wants to laugh.

He knows he has to say something. Not for Zayn’s sake, but for his own. The longer he looks at this man-- his husband, who has somehow become a stranger to him, the more he feels nothing.

And it’s scaring Liam, because he wants to react, he wants to scream and throw punches and ask _why_. But he can’t do anything other then feel weak and empty.

“Get out, Zayn.” Liam hears himself say, shocked by the calmness of his tone.

Zayn looks up, eyes red and filled with tears. “Liam,” Zayn sobs out.

Liam shakes his head and gets up, grabbing Zayns car keys along the way. He opens the front door and looks over to Zayn who’s still seated. “Get out.”

Zayn gets up but doesn’t move. “I’m not leaving, Liam. We have to talk about this. Please just let me explain,” Zayn blabbers out.

 “Zayn!” Liam snaps, “Just fucking leave.”

Zayn stands there for a few moments, eyes pleading with Liam. But Liam doesn’t care. He looks to the ground, waiting for the seconds until Zayn leaves his presence.

Zayn finally moves forward and Liam throws the keys to his chest. He moves aside for Zayn to step out of the door and just as Zayn’s about to speak, Liam slams the door on his face. Locking up and going into his room.

Imagine waking up and finding out your husband cheated on you.

 

Liam wakes up to the sound of his phone going off beside his head. He groans and twists his hand awkwardly around, grabbing the phone to stop the vibration. “Hello,” he croaks out.

“Liam!” He hears Harry sigh out. “I’ve been messaging you all day, man. Where the fuck you been?”

Liam yawns and gets up into a sitting position.  “Sorry, Haz. I was sleeping.”

“It’s three pm, are you just waking up now?”

“No, ye-- long story. How are the kids?”

“They’re good. We went to the park but it started to rain so then I took them to McDonald’s and now they’re crying because they miss you and Zayn. Can I bring them back to you?”

Zayn. He had hoped it was a dream.

“Yeah, I’m home. Drop them off. Thanks for this Harry, I owe you.”

“No worries buddy, I hope you took advantage of being children-less,” Harry laughs.

Liam forces himself to laugh, “Yeah, yeah.” He goes silent and he feels he should say more. But he doesn’t have any strength to say anything.

“Liam?”

“Harry, I need to go, but I’ll see you soon.” Liam hangs up and flops back into bed, groaning.

Liam had hoped this was all a dream and that his husband hadn’t cheated on him-- hadn’t been with another fucking man. He feels like vomiting again, but he has nothing to vomit out. It’s really all symbolic.

 

Liam gets up and showers, washing away last night memories. The memories of holding Zayn, touching him, kissing him and now knowing somebody else has touched his skin. Has laid hands on his chest, his cock. Place their lips on his lips, placed their lips all over his body. Liam feels faint. Thoughts of somebody else being inside of Zayn, giving him pleasure that only Liam’s supposed to give him makes Liam want to grab a hold of his stomach and flush it down the toilet.

Once he has scrubbed enough, cleaning every inch of him twice, Liam gets out and refreshes himself. He removes their sheets, collecting all the laundry lying around-- the wet cloth he threw on the ground before he cuddled into Zayn the night before.

He cleans up the wine glasses, packs up the dishes and throws away the cigarettes.

He doesn’t wonder where Zayn is and doesn’t care.

 

The kids arrive half an hour later, running through the door screaming and jumping into Liam’s arms.

“Uncle Louis made us cupcakes!”

“We fed the ducks and then uncle harry chased us around the water and then it was raining on us!”

“I had chicken nuggets with sauce!”

 Liam laughs, listening to everything they’re saying over one another. “So you guys had fun?” Liam asks enthusiastically.

Max and Gaby nod their heads, “Yes! I love Uncle Harrys house.”

“Well I missed you and you’re never leaving me again,” Liam states, squeezing them close once more.

Max pulls back, “Where’s Baba?” he looks around, eyebrows furrowed.

Liam lies quickly, it’s believable anyway. “He’s at work, but you’ll see him soon.”

“Uncle Harry said we have school on Monday,” Gaby pouts, turning around to glare at Harry.

Harry sticks his tongue out and Gaby does it back to him. “We do angel. You and Max will start big school.”

Gaby shakes her head and her lips begin to tremble. “I don’t want to go to big school!”

“You don’t have to go just yet, why don’t you and Max go play with your toys and I’ll make us some food and we can watch movies.”

“Yay!” The kids squeal running off.

Liam shakes his head fondly, moving to the sofa with Harry. “Were they are hassle?”

“Nope,” Harry pops the ‘p.’ “They’re always good with me. Gaby wasn’t really friendly with Louis at first, wouldn’t leave my side but after some time she grew to him.”

“She’s the jealous control type.” Liam laughs.

“Like her father,” Harry chimes.

Liam coughs and scratches his head. “Yeah.”

“Anyway, I’m going to head off. Louis and I are going out tonight. But I’ll see you next week?”

Liam hugs Harry and nods, “Yeah. Can’t believe summer is already over.”

“Same. But I do miss work.”

Liam agrees, “I do too.”

“Tell Zayn, I said hello.” Harry says, waving goodbye.

 

 

 

Liam distracts himself with the kids. He plays princesses and princes with them, though they keep crying that it isn’t the same like it is with Baba. Liam feels pain settle along his heart. He cooks them pasta and they eat while watching frozen and finding nemo. 

By eight thirty, Zayn isn’t back and in a way, Liam is thankful. He bathes the kids, who are rowdier than usual, crying for Zayn and not listening to him. He yells at them and doesn’t bother washing Gaby’s hair. He tucks them into bed and tells them a story about a prince who loved a princess so much, his kiss saved her.

“Does your kiss save Baba?” Gaby yawns.

Liam feels tears begin to form at his eyelids and he chokes out a _yes_ and kisses Gaby on the forehead quickly before walking out into the hallway and slipping onto to the ground. He doesn’t cry. He refuses to cry.

He won’t cry.

Liam gets up and exhales, get a hold of yourself he thinks. He goes to his bedroom and locks the door. He can’t sleep; his mind deciding now is the time to think about everything that has happened.

He keeps asking himself why. _Why, why, why._

Because he doesn’t fucking understand what went wrong-- what made Zayn do this. _Cheat_ on him. It feels weird when he thinks of the word, cheat. It’s doesn’t feel real and it leaves him hollow and sick and dizzy and when Liam closes his eyes all that flashes behind the darkness is Zayns face with a faceless person. Kissing him, touching him-- being happy with him ‘cause apparently Liam somehow wasn’t that person anymore.

It’s around two am when Liam finally wills himself to fall asleep through the images, to let them just play over and over, no matter how much it hurts to repeat.

 

When he wakes up he feels like death, worn out and so fucking unhappy. He rubs his face and looks over to the bedside table clock. 10.00am.

He jumps up and quickly runs off to find the kids. Fuck. He overslept, he locked the door so Zayn wouldn’t come in and fuck. The kids. 

He steps out into the hallway and hears them giggling. He sighs out of relief and is about to step forward when he hears Zayn’s voice. It’s cheerful and light. Liam wants to strangle his neck.

He goes back into his bedroom and shuts the door. He doesn’t want to see Zayn, but he can’t stay away from him forever. They have children together for fuck’s sake. But he doesn’t think he is physically capable of facing Zayn. He doesn’t know how he's meant to act or what he’s meant to do, or say. Liam has never been in this situation before, never had someone break his heart like this.

He hears Gaby squeal in excitement and wonders if the kids weren’t involved would he be acting differently. Would he have broken it off instantly with Zayn, or would he still be feeling the way he does right now.

Liam has another shower and fixes himself up. When he walks into the kitchen the kids see him and say good morning. Liam comes over and kisses each on the forehead, not acknowledging Zayn’s frozen stance near the fridge.

“Baba made us pancakes!” Max happily says, shoving some into his mouth.

“Is it yummy?” Liam asks, watching his son try to fit more than he can in his mouth. Max nods and continues to chew.

Liam looks over to the lounge room and notices the sofa has a blanket and pillow on it. Liam presumes Zayn slept there. He goes to make himself some coffee, ignoring Zayn’s tense presence beside him, lingering around.

He also ignores Zayn sliding over a plate full of pancakes, and opts for some cereal instead.

He sits down with the children and hopes Zayn doesn’t join. Luck doesn’t seem to be on his side because soon after, Zayn is there beside him, not touching him of course but he’s there and Liam can feel him breathing, can feeling him looking, can feel every piece of Zayn closing in on him and he doesn’t think he can take it.

“Daddy, I don’t want to go to big school.” Gaby whines. “I’m scared and what about all my friends.”

“All your friends will be at your new school and you’ll even make new ones.” Liam sweetly replies, completely forgetting Max and Gaby start primary school tomorrow.He and Zayn have been so far up their own arses they’ve neglected the important things they must worry about.

“Will you be with us, Daddy?” Max asks.

Liam shakes his head, “I teach at secondary school, but I’ll be taking you to school and seeing which class you will be in.”

“I’ll be there too,” Zayn suddenly says.

Liam freezes. “You don’t have to come; I can do it on my own.” Liam says after a short while.

Zayn gives him a funny look, and hurt is written on his face. “Liam,” he whispers.

Liam doesn’t say anything else to him after that. The kids don’t seem to notice anything is wrong and Liam takes full advantage of their naïve minds. He listens to them ramble stories and he answers their questions about big school and pays no attention to Zayn mumbling something before slipping away from the table.

It’s raining the whole day, the clouds are grey, and the sky has no colour. Liam thinks the weather a reflection of his current mood.

Zayn and Liam don’t interact whatsoever. They stay on different sides of the house that day. Liam distracts himself with work then sets up the kid’s paperwork for school, doing the laundry and getting their uniforms ready. He cleans up the house, but doesn’t go anywhere near the sofa.

He passes the kids room on the way to his own and see’s Zayn on the floor, the kids jumping on top of him giggling. He doesn’t feel warmth spread along his bones like he usually would. All he feels his hatred, a darkness making a home along his ribcage and Liam doesn’t know how to stop the feeling from growing. 

Liam leaves before bath time, heading down to the works to pick up some supplies for the kids. He lets Zayn bathe them by himself. When he returns home, he slips into the kids rooms and kisses them goodnight.

He enters his room and stops dead in his tracks. Zayn is there, sitting on the edge of his bed, playing with his phone.

“What are you doing?” Liam asks harshly.

Zayn looks up, tears streaking down his face. He gets up and moves towards him, Liam steps away and asks once again. _What he is doing?_

Zayn closes the bedroom door and bangs his head on the wood. He lets out a sigh and Liam is still wondering what the fuck Zayn is doing-- doing in this room, being next to him.

“Liam, please.” Zayn pleads, turning around.

Liam stares blankly at his face, showing no emotion.

“Say something to me, anything.” Zayn snaps, pushing his fingers through his quiff, pacing the room like he can’t do this anymore.

“I,” Liam begins. But he doesn’t know what he wants to say, because he doesn’t think there is anything to say. How do you come back from this? How do you move on after you’ve found out somebody has cheated on you?  “The only reason you’re still living here is because of the kids. So, please just leave this room.” Liam calmly asks, his voice empty like the inside of him.

Zayn begins to cry, shaking his head and looking up to the ceiling. His hands are trembling by his side and Liam isn’t in the mood to see what Zayn says or does. So he grumbles one last time, “ _leave_.” Before going into the bathroom and closing the door.

 

**-**

 Zayn doesn’t sleep at night anymore, it’s impossible for him to close his eyes and just sleep. His eyes have become dark, somewhat like the moon he stares at, every night. His skin is pale like the morning sunrise. He doesn’t feel all there anymore. He feels like somebody-- an unknown soul has overtaken his body, and his mind is the only thing he has control over.

Zayn hates himself. When he looks into the mirror he wants to break the glass, make the edges cut into his body, making him bleed. He wants every horrible situation that happens to a person, happen to him. He wants to suffer because this is what he deserves. He doesn’t deserve Liam or this family or any happiness. He’s a selfish person who fucked up and the sooner he can accept this, the sooner he can move on.

It’s been two weeks since that Saturday morning when Liam read the message _‘I miss you’_ and god knows what else. Anytime Zayn remembers the moment he feels sick, his stomach turns, his heart quickens and the outlines of his surroundings become blurry.

Liam doesn’t speak to him anymore, doesn’t look at him or acknowledge his presence. He has somehow become invisible to Liam and anytime he thinks about it, Zayn begins to cry.

Liam’s skipped the anger part and has automatically gone into the closed off part. Zayn wants him to scream, wants him to hit him, swear at him, and make him feel like shit because it’s what he deserves. It also means somewhere deep down in Liam’s core, he still cares. But he’s closed off, he shows nothing, he looks lifeless himself, and that’s what scares Zayn the most. That Liam doesn’t have it in him to fight for Zayn, that this empire they’ve built since they were nineteen has fallen apart and Zayn doesn’t know how to fix up the broken pieces that have shattered between them.

Zayn comes home straight after work on Friday evening.

He walks into the house and is greeted with loud hello’s from his children. They’re the only thing keeping him from falling off the edge. The children tell him about school and all the new friends they’ve made, Zayn listens, of course he does. But he can’t completely invest himself when Liam is sitting across from him, playing with his foods and looking even worse since the last time he saw him.

Zayn can’t do this anymore. He can’t live in this house if Liam doesn’t even want him here. He can’t be around Liam and not touch him, not make him laugh, not even make him scream. He needs something between them and he is so fucking scared they’ve lost each other for good. It makes him physically sick.

They put the kids to sleep around eight thirty, as per usual and then Liam stalks off into his bedroom, _their_ bedroom. Zayn feels so lonely staring at the closed door. Knowing Liam is close and yet, so far.

He’s on the sofa, reading some manuscripts for work when Zayn hears some shoes being slipped on and keys jingling. He looks up and studies Liam. He’s wearing jeans with his white air max shoes. He has a red and black plaid shirt on, his hair covered with a black beanie. Zayn swallows an ugly taste forming in his mouth and gets up.

“Where you going?” he asks, a hesitant tone to his voice.

Liam looks up, like he didn’t realize Zayn was even there. Standard. He ignores him and goes to leave for the door, but Zayn is closer so he runs and stands in front of Liam’s way. He can’t do this anymore. He can’t live with Liam hating him.

“Zayn,” Liam sternly says. Zayn ignores his tone and crosses his arm.

Liam sighs, “I’m going out.”

“Where?” Zayn asks, jealousy seeping into him, as if he has the right to act this way.

“Get out of my way, Zayn.” Liam spits, and his angry and Zayn soaks it up, because at the end of the day, it’s _something_.

“We can’t live like this anymore, Liam. You need to talk to me and tell me where we stand.” Zayn states, feeling brave somehow.

“You don’t get to pick and choose how you want me to feel. _You_ fucked up, not me. So get the fuck out of my way, Zayn.” Liam snaps and his voice is cold and his eyes are cold and everything about him is cold and suddenly, Zayn doesn’t feel brave anymore. He feels sick and lonely and he steps back, allowing Liam to push past him, but he doesn’t touch him. Hasn’t touched him since his birthday.

He hears Liam laugh, but its bitter and all wrong. He turns around and Liam is finally staring at him. He feels exposed and open, he wants to hide away from those eyes but he can’t. “I just don’t get it,” Liam casually says, face amused yet still broken as he continues to speak. “I thought we were happy. That _you_ were happy.”

“I wa-- ”

Liam huffs out, “but I was clearly wrong. You ruined everything, Zayn.” He turns around and hops into his car, not letting Zayn say what he has to.

Zayn sinks down onto the ground and cries. He feels so pathetic-- so stupid, crying all the fucking time. But he can’t help it. His heart is _literally_ broken and the one person who can fix it hates him. Zayn doesn’t know what to do anymore. He doesn’t want a divorce, doesn’t want to ever leave Liam and his children, but. But what happens if that’s what Liam chooses to do. How is Zayn supposed to live-- breath when he isn’t with Liam?

Zayn gets up from his crouched position. It feels like hours since Liam last left, Zayn’s not too sure. But he doesn’t want to sleep alone tonight. He’s not even sure can. He tip toes into the kid’s room and gets in beside Max. He doesn’t sleep like a star fish similar to Gaby, so there’s room for him to snuggle in beside him.

Zayn holds Max close, lets his child’s heartbeat press against his chest and somehow mend his broken one. It doesn’t work, but Zayn feels less lonely by the time he finally drifts off.

 

 

The days have gone on and now months. It’s gone from hot to cold-- it feels like winter, but it hasn’t reached its peak just yet. The clouds are always grey though, the rain is always rough and their plants are over fed. The weather is a representation of Zayn and Liam’s current state.

Zayn is driving, the rain has slowed down and it’s only the middle of the day, but it looks like it’s nearing night time. He’s driving to the suburbs. _Where the houses are bigger and the neighbourhood is cleaner_ , Liam always said.

Zayn drives up the driveway and sees a large house up ahead; the exact house Liam had shown him two months ago. Harry’s already there, so he parks beside his car and hops out. He doesn’t need an umbrella, rain, sun, he doesn’t feel anything anymore.

Harry gets out too, umbrella in his hand and keys in another. He walks over, and smiles softly at Zayn. Zayn knows he knows-- can tell by the awkward tension that has clearly settled between them.

“Thanks for getting Louis to give you the keys.” Zayn says, walking behind Harry to the front door.

Harry closes the umbrella and opens the front door. Zayn eyes the beautiful entrance. It’s massive, it’s everything and more that they’ve always spoken about in a home.

“It’s beautiful,” Zayn whispers in wonder. Harry nods in agreement besides him.

They take a look around the house, but there is silence between them. Zayn feels kind of bitter that Harry has chosen sides, even if he says he hasn’t. It’s obvious in his movements, the way he hasn’t spoken to Zayn properly; even though Harry loves to speak.

Zayn feels tears begin to form but he refuses them away. Not now, he thinks. He feels so overwhelmed, though. This house, it’s beautiful. It’s big and it’s perfect for Liam and the kids. But he got angry at Liam, because it’s over their budget, but he shouldn’t have. Because it would have been _okay._ This would have been worth it. But he was stressed and felt sick in his own skin, because he fucked up and he took it out on Liam. Zayn felt all these expectations and hadn’t realized he put them on himself.

 Zayn wipes at his eyes and jumps when he hears Harry cough behind him. “Zayn…” He hesitantly says.

Zayn turns around to look at him. He can feel the pity radiate off Harry and he hates it.

“You know Liam hasn’t spoken a proper sentence to me since his birthday.” Zayn begins. “The only time he acknowledges me is when the kids are around, but even then, it’s closed off.”

Harry pouts and Zayn continues. “I fucked up. Like really fucked up. But I can’t live like this anymore.” His lips tremble. “I’m scared that he doesn’t love me anymore.”

Harrys face softens and he steps forward, placing a firm hand on his shoulder. “Just give him time.”

Zayn pushes his hand away and steps back. “It’s been two months Harry. And he hasn’t yelled at me, shown any sign of anger towards me. He can’t even look at me.” Zayn sobs out.

Harry sighs and pushes his curls out of his face. “I don’t know what to say…” He drifts off.

“Just tell me what he wants. Tell me if we’re over or not.” Zayn pleads.

“I can’t-- I’m not Liam. You need to hear this from him.”

Zayn wipes his tears and utters, “I feel like so much time has passed between us, we may never be able to move on from this.”

“I’m sorry, Zayn. I wish there was something more I could say, but.”

“I’m not giving up on him, Harry. But I can’t live like this anymore. I feel suffocated in my own home. My whole world has fallen apart and I don’t know what to fucking do anymore.”

“Time. He needs time, Z,” Harry softly repeats.

 Time can only do so much and Zayn’s fucking terrified of what’s going to happen when Liam finally figures out what he wants.

 

 

Zayn goes to visit his parents on the weekend, Gaby and Max with him.

He asked Liam if he wanted to come, but he had just ignored him. Zayn didn’t expect anything less.

 He tries not to think about Liam or the situation or even himself on the drive to Bradford. He sings along with the kids, listens to their stories and questions and tells them stories himself.

It’s good to be with them, it distracts Zayn and that’s what he needs now. He fucked up more than he has ever done. He hurt Liam, and he hates himself for it.  He thinks of the conversation he had with Harry a few days back, and thinks of time.

Zayn used to live day by day, never worrying about time in the essence of forever. But now. It’s all he thinks about. Time. Life itself drags on and Zayn let it drift him by with work and now it’s drifting by because of Liam and he just wishes he took a step back from everything. Got a different point of view of how he was seeing himself in his family's eye— _Liam’s_ eyes, maybe he wouldn’t be in this current situation.

 “Hi Sweetie,” Trisha says, kissing Zayn all over his face.

Zayn pulls back, “Okay mum, I’m not a baby anymore.”

“But you’ll always be my baby,” she mocks, pinching his cheeks.

Zayn rolls his eyes fondly and goes into the lounge room, sitting with his father on the sofa.

“Where’s Liam?” Yaser asks.

Zayn bits his lip. “Not feeling well, that’s why I came today. Get the kids out of the house, so they don’t get infected.”

His father looks over to him, “You always nurse, Liam, when he’s sick.”

“I do not,” Zayn says defensively.

Yaser snorts, “You do, son.”

“Max!” Zayn turns around to his mum’s loud voice. “Do not hit your sister again.” She snaps. Max crosses his arms and marches over to Zayn, jumping into his lap.

“What have me and Daddy always told you,” Zayn whispers.

“She hit me first,” He whines.

“Next time come to me, and I’ll deal with her.”

Max nods his head and stays on Zayns lap for a while, as he continues talking with his father.

Zayn’s mum makes food and Zayn stays more than intended. They offer for them to sleep over, worried about Zayn driving back when it’s nearing dark, but he promises them, he’ll be fine.

“I hope Liam gets better,” Trisha says, holding Max in her arms. (He forgave her for screaming at him.)

“Daddy isn’t sick, is he Baba?” Max looks up, confusion settled on his features.

Zayn laughs uncomfortably, “Not bad sick, just tired sick.” Zayn promises his son. He notices Max visibly relax into his mother’s arms.

“Gaby!” Zayn calls, “it’s time to go.”

Gaby comes running out, Yaser behind her. “Come here you little rascal.”

Gaby’s laughter is bright and loud, “Daadaa cheated!”

Yaser gasps, “No I didn’t.”

“Okay, let’s play again.” Gaby suggests.

“Gabs, we have to go now.”

Gaby turns around, “please can we stay, Baba.”

Zayn shakes his head, “next time.”

Yaser picks up Gaby who’s started to cry. “Next time you come over, I’ll teach you how to box.” Yaser promises, making Gaby stop crying.

Gaby wipes her eyes, “promise?”

“Promise.”

“Do you need anything? Should  I have made more food for Liam?” Trisha asks, helping Zayn put the kids and bags into the car.

“No mum, this is more than enough. Thank you.” He hugs his dad and kisses his mum goodbye.

“We’ll come by again, with Liam next time.” He says getting into the car.

“Wait, Zayn. I forgot to give you something, hold on.” Trisha runs inside.

“I bet she forget it by purpose,” Yaser jokes.

Zayn laughs, “Probably.”

Trisha comes back out with a photo frame in her hand. She bends down to the window handing it to Zayn. “I had it printed out from the kid’s birthday.”

Zayn turns over the photo frame and is suddenly hit with every emotion possible. The photo is of himself holding Max while Liam is holding Gaby at their birthday party, after they had just cut the cake.

 They’re all tightly squeezed together, Liam and Zayn on the outside, Max and Gaby side by side. The sun is shining behind them, the sky clear and blue. They’re all smiling, Zayn recalling his mum telling them to say cheese.

 Zayn stops himself from crying, because it’s something he’s about to do. He’s looking at the photo and it feels like a different family, a different life he lived. He’s so consumed with the bad, he can’t even remember the good.

 “Zayn?” Trisha softly says.

 “Thanks,” Zayn chokes out. He clears his voice and looks up to his mum, faking a smile. “This means a lot, thank you.”

 “Are you okay?” No. Zayn wants to say. I’m broken and my husband is broken and I hate myself as each day goes by. But he doesn’t. He never will, because he doesn’t deserve to feel pain or be broken, when he was the one who shattered everything first. 

“I am, just tired.” 

Trisha leans forward and gives him a kiss, “Drive safely and message me when you get home.”

“I will mum, goodnight guys. Love you.”

“Goodnight!” Max and Gaby scream from the backseat.

Zayn reverses out and begins to drive. The kids fall asleep half way on the highway. Zayn doesn’t break down and is happy he’s strong. But then Mirrors by Justin Timberlake is being played on the radio and everything he thought he was holding, suddenly comes crashing down.

 

  **-**

Gaby has a sleepover at her friend Melissa’s house; Max had been upset so Liam planned a sleepover with Timmy. He packs up their overnight bags and drops them off to their friend’s home. Squeezing them tightly and saying I love you over and over.

 Liam doesn’t go home straight after, he goes over to Harry’s house and hangs with him. Soon after Louis comes over and they’re all lovey dovey and Liam feels sick. It’s around twelve am when he decides to go home. Zayn should be sleeping by now. 

“You sure you don’t wanna crash here? I have a spare bed.” Harry offers.

Liam shakes his head and hugs him. “Thank you anyway.” He says goodbye and leaves. It’s raining but when is it not.

He goes the long route home, (If he can even call it that.) It’s a house, but it’s definitely not a home anymore. It’s no longer warm or happy, it’s cold and sad and the only brightness that shines in the house is the children’s.

Months have gone by since Liam found out Zayn cheated and he thought the pain would go away, but it hasn’t. It’s no longer constantly there, weighing him down but it’s an endless pressure along his ribcage and sometimes the pain is unbearable. Liam hates what he and Zayn’s relationship has become. Sometimes when he can’t sleep at night, he thinks he is ready to talk to Zayn. Ask him why and work things out. But then he wakes up and sees that face and the calmness he felt the night before simmers away.

Liam doesn’t know what to do anymore, how to feel. He is scared his love for Zayn has disappeared. He doesn’t think he could live without him but at the same time, he doesn’t know how he can live with him.

When Liam arrives home it’s quarter past twelve. Zayn’s car is parked where he left it, and the lights are all off except for the front porch. He tip toes inside, but stops in his tracks when he sees Zayn isn’t on the sofa.  Maybe he’s out sleeping around, Liam bitterly thinks. Because that’s all he ever thinks of when Zayn isn’t home.

 

_Who is he with?_

_What is he doing?_

_Who is touching him?_

That’s what Liam hates. That he can no longer trust Zayn. Their whole relationship was built on the foundation of trust, and respect and _so much_ love, that Liam was unaware anything could break them apart.

He checks the kids’ room and still finds no Zayn. He had a feeling Zayn would be in their room, but he prayed he wouldn’t be. That’s his safe haven, the place where he can escape.

He opens the door and see’s Zayns silhouette laying face first in their bed. He has the blankets cuddled into him, the pillows wrapped around his body. Liam moves forward and is instantly hit with the smell of vodka. He looks on the bedside table and sees half an empty bottle standing beside Zayns mobile phone.

Don’t do it, he thinks. But he can’t help it. He grabs Zayns mobile and unlocks it, the password-- it’s still the same.

He goes into his messages and he only has four chat logs. (His mum, Harry, his boss Luke and Liam himself.)

Liam puts the phone down and weirdly enough, feels guilty for spying on Zayn.

He shakes Zayns figure, “Zayn,” he whispers harshly, his voice loud in the closed room.

Zayn stirs but doesn’t awake. He shakes him firmer, speaking louder when he says, “Zayn.”

Zayn’s eyes open slowly, “Liam?” he asks disorientated.

“Yeah, it’s me. You passed out in my room.” Liam says, trying to pull him up.

Zayn won’t budge though. “Our room,” he mumbles.

“Zayn, get up. Come to the kids’ room.”

Zayn rips his hand away from Liam’s hold and snuggles into the blankets. “Can’t sleep alone anymore,” he mumbles before dozing off again.

Liam bites his lip and stares down at his husband. He notices an object near his head and picks it up to observe it. It’s a photo frame; but he can’t make out what the photo is. He uses Zayn torch on his iPhone to obtain some light.

Liam feels light headed, everything around his vision becomes blurry and suddenly all that he can see is the photo. His family, smiling and happy. He sees a tear drop fall to the glass, he wipes it away but more continue to fall. Liam stares at the photo a moment longer before placing it next to Zayn again. He’s never seen that photo before, but he remembers the day and he remembers how it felt, and even though he had been mad at Zayn in the moment, he knew he would get over it.

Liam goes to sleep on Max’s bed. He doesn’t sleep though. He stays awake all night and thinks of the past, of the present and the unknown future.

He thinks of his life in ten years and Zayn’s statue is beside him. He thinks of growing old and feels panic rise to his chest when he doesn’t imagine Zayn growing old with him. He thinks of Max and Gaby growing up, becoming teenagers then young adults then adults having children and he and Zayn being grandparents. He thinks of dying but only if Zayn is right by his side.

Liam wakes up and pokes his head into his bedroom, Zayn is still sleeping. His mouth open, tiny snores leaving his lips. He looks calm-- peaceful, but Liam can see the darkness under his eyes, can tell that his body has become smaller. He looks worn out, physically and apparently emotionally. At first Liam didn’t care, but now. It kind of hurts him to see Zayn wither away like he has.

Liam showers then makes himself some coffee, and if he makes a little extra for when Zayn wakes up, it’s okay.

He cleans up the children’s toys, and then cleans up the whole house. He feels angsty-- an itch he can’t seem to scratch won’t leave his skin.

Zayn walks into the kitchen at around 10am, boxer shorts on, hair all over the place and face pale. Liam holds his breath at the sink while Zayn goes to the coffee machine.

Liam literally doesn’t know how to act around Zayn anymore. Doesn’t know how to start a conversation and it fucking scares him. He thinks he may pass out from how long he’s holding his breath. He doesn’t even know why he is holding is fucking breath.

Zayn finally leaves and Liam feels light headed, you can do this, he thinks. He breathes in and out before going to the lounge room and standing near the sofa. Zayn looks up and his eyes lack colour and depth.

“Hi,” is all Liam says. And _what_. Hi. That’s all he has to fucking say.

Zayn scrambles up, hissing when he drops some of the coffee on his bare thigh. He looks so optimistic and Liam doesn’t want to give him false hope.

“Hey,” Zayn breathes out.

“Um…” Liam begins. “Get ready; we’re going for a drive.”

Zayn nods once and quickly goes to get ready, “Whe-- where are we going?” He hesitantly asks.

Liam shrugs, “For a drive. I don’t know.”

Zayn nods once more and he’s off. Liam calls Harry and asks him to pick up Gaby and Max from their friend’s house and take them back to his place. Telling him he shouldn’t be too long and if there is any hassle, he’ll come straight back.

Liam breathes in and out. He can do this. When Zayn comes back into the kitchen, he’s wearing black jeans with his combat boots and a denim jacket over his pink Floyd shirt. His hair is slicked back nicely and for the first time in months, Zayn looks… he looks alive.

Liam goes into the car and assumes Zayn will follow. They don’t speak on their car drive. Zayn doesn’t ask questions as they drive onto the M40.

Two and half hours later they arrive at their destination. London.

The streets are filled with traffic, the footpath populated by pedestrians and Liam wonders how he ever lived here.

Zayn is still silent beside him and Liam is thankful for that. He can’t do small talk, not now anyway. He hears Zayn make a sound when he stops and parks at their destination-- South Bank University, where they met.

It’s a Sunday, so not many people are on campus, and the live in building is on the other side of the block. They’re only surrounded by cars going by or the cars in the parking lot, other than that, they’re alone. And they haven’t been alone together for what feels like forever.

“This is how it’s gonna go.” Liam states. “I’m going to ask questions and you’re going to answer them honestly.”

Liam shifts so he’s facing Zayn, Zayn does the same.

He _was_ feeling brave when he thought about this idea, but being here now, he’s afraid and doesn’t know how to begin, or what he even wants to hear.

This moment could make or break them and Liam’s fucking frightened of the outcome.

“Why?” Is the first thing Liam asks. It’s heavy and maybe not the best way to start this conversation, but for the last two months this is all Liam has wanted to know.

He watches Zayn close his eyes and inhale. Zayn opens them and stares right back at Liam. “I don’t-- ”

Liam cuts him off, “Don’t fucking say you don’t know, or give me bullshit answers ‘cause you think that’s what I want to hear. Just be honest with me.”

Zayn nods and licks his lips. “It won’t make sense to you. Okay? I’m-- “ Zayn growls and massages his temples before breathing out and beginning again. “I felt so much pressure, Liam. From you, from my work and from my fucking self. And I fucked up. I don’t know why I did it, I wish I did. Sometimes I lay there and try to come up with reasons why I did what I did and none of it makes sense. But none of my reasons will ever be good enough, ‘cause there was no purpose for me to cheat on you, regardless of how I was feeling.” Zayn breathes out.

Liam feels his mind overload with everything. It’s like Zayn hasn’t given him enough and yet.

“You weren’t happy were you,” Liam softly whispers.

Zayn roughly shakes his head, and reaches his out like he wants to touch Liam, but knows he can’t. “I was happy. It wasn’t you that made me do this. It was my fault.”

“It doesn’t make sense, Zayn.”

“I know,” Zayn drags. “But my biggest fear was letting you down. Letting this family down. And I wanted to give you everything. Work was constantly on my back, the bills were piling up and I felt no escape. So I did what I thought would be the right thing to at the time, for both parties.”

“Sleep with someone else.” Liam scoffs.

Zayn wipes his eyes, “It’s my biggest regret to this day. Nothing in this world is worth breaking what we have apart.”

“But you did it, and everything is broken.” Liam whispers, suddenly feeling exhausted and hurt and _oh god_. He’s fucking crying. He can’t even control it. It’s like the past two months have built up on him and he is finally allowing himself to feel something, and it’s all coming out. The anger, the hurt, the sadness, the bitterness-- everything is just overwhelming him and he needs to leave this car before he feels more suffocated.

“Liam,” he hears Zayn say but the words are small below the tightening of his chest. He opens the car door and gets up, breathing in the fresh air. Zayn is right beside of him, touching him and Liam doesn’t pull away.

“It’s going to be okay, _shh_ ,” Zayn tries to sooth him.

Liam regains himself and realizes Zayn’s hand is on his shoulder, he shoves him back lightly. Zayn doesn’t seem offended by the gesture, just hurt.

“You’ve killed me, Zayn.” Liam cries out, unable to fucking stop the tears. “You know how agonizing this has been for me? Knowing someone else has touched you,” he spits out. “That you’ve let someone else be with you, even though we made a promise to each other years ago, that its only us two forever.”

 Zayn is also crying, and Liam thinks he has no right. “How am I supposed to touch you anymore, look at you the same knowing somebody else made you happy, because you felt like you couldn’t come to me?”

“It’s not like that,” Zayn splutters out. “You were never the issue, it was me. I fucked up and I fucked us up and I know I don’t deserve you or your forgiveness, but I love you so much fucking much, Liam. It’s suffocating.”

“How many times did you sleep with him?”

“Two times,” Zayn hoarsely replies.

Liam sags against the car. He feels as light as a feather, ready to slowly collapse to the ground 

“He never, I mean.” Zayn exhales, “I never let him in me.” he whispers out, like it makes Liam feel any better.

“Well thank fucking god,” Liam yells out. “God forbid he had, maybe this whole situation may have been handled differently,” he sarcastically spits out.

Zayn flinches at his words and his lips tremble. He wipes at his red eyes and looks down to the ground.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to forgive you for this, Zayn.” Liam says, more calmly now. Zayn looks up and nods, like he accepts this.

“I understand. I just-- “ He’s crying again, as if he is accepting his fate. “I just want you to know, you and those children are my world and I _do_ love you. And if you want a divorce, I’ll do it. I don’t want to make you unhappy even more than I already have.”

Liam nods and wipes his eyes. “Yeah,” he whispers. “We better go.”

He gets into the car and wipes his eyes. Zayn doesn’t come in straight away and it’s good. Liam freshens himself up. When Zayn finally gets into the car, his eyes are red and puffy and nose is runny. Liam doesn’t comment and they drive back home neither unaware of what their future holds.

 

Something shifts after that, and strangely it stops raining. They pick up Gaby and Max from Harry’s house and take them home. They spend the day outside together, sliding down the child play set and laughing altogether. Liam’s not trying to avoid Zayn or make things awkward, it’s just. For so long his instinct was to avoid, and now he doesn’t know how to break the habit. Zayn doesn’t show anything of it. Continues to play with the kids and keep his distance.

At bedtime they both stay in the room and read a story to Max and Gaby. After Zayn goes into the lounge room and Liam goes into their bedroom, just an automatic scenario they’re both used to doing now.

Liam lies in bed and watches reruns of Friends. His leg is twitching and he can’t make it stop. His biting his nails and he’s aware at how nervous he is. He gets up and goes towards the lounge room without even second guessing himself.

“Zayn,” he whispers. Apart of him hopes Zayn is sleeping, so he doesn’t have to do this. The other part hopes his awake, because if he doesn’t do it now, he may never.

Zayns head pop up over the sofa, the light from his phone showing the shadow of his face.

Liam breathes out, “Did you wanna sleep in your bed tonight?”

Zayn seems to deflate, and Liam clarifies just in case. “With me, I mean. Did you want to come back into our room.”

“Yeah,” Zayn awes out. “Yeah, Liam.” Liam’s never seen Zayn move so fast. But he’s up and behind Liam as they walk back to their bedroom.

Liam tries to control his beating heart, tries to breathe silently so Zayn doesn’t hear or see how scared he is. He doesn’t touch Zayn and Liam feels himself shift at the edge of the bed by the end of the night. Baby steps, he supposes.

 

In the morning when Liam wakes up, he turns around and doesn’t see Zayn’s sleeping figure beside him. Apart of him feels upset, but when he goes to wake up the kids, they’re already in the kitchen dressed for school, Zayn in his work attire, cooking sausages and eggs.

“Morning,” Zayn smiles and Liam can’t help but smile back. He sees Zayns eyes widen in surprise for a second before he slowly composes himself.

“I already made your coffee, it’s on the table and breakfast is nearly ready.” Zayn says, turning the sausages over.

He looks at his kids who are colouring in on the table. “Did you do those drawings?” Liam asks, sipping his perfect tasting coffee.

“Baba drew this for me, so I could colour inside of it.” Liam looks down at the drawing. It’s clearly meant to be the four of them and Liam’s chest feels lighter, happier it has in weeks.

Max picks up his drawing, it’s Batman and Robin. “Do you like it?” He asks, grin wide on his face.

“Yeah buddy, I do. It’s me and you.” Liam winks and Max beams, putting the paper back down.

“Okay guys, breakfast is ready put away everything so it doesn’t get ruined.” Zayn comes over and helps them clean up, to their dismay.

“I’m not hungry!” Gaby cries out, folding her arms.

“Okay, but either way no more drawing.” Zayn shrugs and brings over their plastic plates, each with an egg, sausage, tomatoes and toast.

Liam moves to stand up. “Do you need help?” he offers.

Zayn shakes his head and comes back with a plate for him; it’s filled up quite nicely. He gives another hesitant smile and places the plate in front of him.

“Thanks,” Liam says.

Zayn sits beside him and if Liam notices him shift his chair a little more towards him, he doesn’t comment.

“I’ll take the kids to school today,” Zayn starts up conversation. Liam swallows his eggs and looks at him, his eyes are somewhat sparkling. Liam’s missed it.

“You sure?”

Zayn nods happily and turns to look at the kids. “Want Baba to take you to school today?” he asks cheerfully. The kids say _yes_ in sync, gobbling down their food. They’re acting as if Liam and Zayn never feed them.

After breakfast Liam offers to help Zayn clean up, but Zayn tells him he can do it on his own. 

Liam shrugs and goes off to get ready for work. He comes back to the kitchen and says goodbye to Max and Gaby. He hesitates for a moment before he walks over to Zayn and kisses him on the cheek. “See you later,” he says and this time he's the first to smile.

 Zayn stands there, somewhat star struck and Liam leaves feeling giddy.

 Liam feels happy today. It’s a rare feeling, one he hasn’t held in a long time. But he thinks he will be okay. They’ve gotten through a lot for their relationship, and this, no matter how big it was is another wall in their relationship that they’ve overcome. 

Liam knows thing won't go back to the way they were, that their whole dynamic has changed. But. But maybe they could become better then they were. He knows it will take time to heal, because he still feels sick when he thinks about Zayn being with someone else. Knows deep down, he doesn't trust Zayn and doesn't know when he'll ever trust him again. But Liam knows, deep down he can learn to trust Zayn again, that the love he holds for him never disappeared, just slightly faded.

Liam feels happy and foolish and nervous and he doesn't know what the future will hold for his family, but as he turns around to give them one quick look, a calmness settles against his ribcage, and the pain he's felt for months, he knows it will disappear. 

 

**One year Later -**

 

“Gaby!” Liam yells out, “We’re waiting for you.”

 “Wait, daddy!” She yells back.

 Liam sighs and leans on the stair railing, it was already nearing darkness and Halloween for children doesn’t go on all night.

 “What is she doing up there?” Zayn walks into the foyer, Max beside him. Liam just puts his hands up and shrugs, having no idea why his daughter is taking her time.

 “Dad, put your mask on.” Max demands. Liam quirks his eyebrow, looking down at his son. He’s dressed in a Robin costume. His eyes covered with a black mask. Zayn did his hair, so it’s slicked back away from his forehead. “I’ll put it on when we start to trick or treat, son.”

 Max sticks his tongue out then sighs loudly, “Gaby stop taking so long!” He screams. 

“Where do our children’s attitudes come from?” Zayn comments, “We can’t be the ones who influence them like this.” 

“I told you we should have home schooled them.” Liam jokes.

Zayn rolls his eyes, “They weren’t even born when you were creating those scenarios.”

“What’s home schooled?” Max asks, looking up to his two fathers.

“Sometimes kids don’t go to big school like you and Gabs, but their parents let them stay home and they teach them.”

“But how do they have friends?” Max asks, confused.

“They don’t,” Zayn mumbles. Liam steps forward and hits him on the shoulder. Zayn hits him right back. Max hits both of them.

“Oi!” Liam rubs his leg where Max hit him, pretending it hurt. Max just giggles and helps him rub the spot.

Zayn sighs, “That’s it. I’m going up.” As he is about to walk up the stairs Gaby appears at the top of the staircase, massive, sly smile on her face.

“What have you done?” Zayn yells in surprise. “Gaby!”

“Oh god, Gaby.”

Gaby pouts, “You said I can wear make up!”

“Not when we leave the house, only for play time.” Liam reminds her.

“Go take it off now,” Zayn sternly says. “Half of the red lipstick is on your face rather than your lips.”

Gaby crosses her arms, “No.”

“Gabrielle,” Zayn uses his harsh tone.

“Daddy, please let me keep it on. When Baba showed me a photo of Poison Ivy she had make up on.”

Liam sighs, once again caught in the middle of a Gaby and Zayn disagreement. They’re so alike, it’s scary and annoying but mostly cute.

“Babe….,” Liam hesitates. Zayn turns around, eyes hard. “Let’s just wipe it off her face and put it on her lips properly. It is Halloween.”

“This is why I didn’t want my mum to get her a makeup set.” Zayn turns back around to Gaby.

“Let me clean it up for you at least.”

Gaby claps her hands and runs down the stairs.  “Is your wig still stuck in place?” Liam asks, fixing her green dress.

Gaby nods, “Do I look evil, daddy?”

“Yes,” Max answers for Liam. “So can we go please, I want lollies.” He demands.

Zayn returns back with baby wipes, crouching down to wipe at her face. “Don’t ruin my make up,” Gaby cries out, trying to move away from Zayns hand.

“Sweetie, I’m not. I’m cleaning off the lipstick where it doesn’t belong.”

Gaby resigns, “fine.”

Zayn looks up to Liam, “she used lipstick as eye shadow, Liam. Lipstick.”

Liam tries hard not to giggle. “She’s experimenting, let her be.”

“But lipstick?” Zayn mouths out in shock. Now Liam does laugh.

 

Once Gaby is fixed up, and Max finishes using the toilet, they’re finally ready to go trick or treating. It’s not as common to trick or treat in the UK as it is the US but it’s still done.

This year Liam and Zayn figured the kids should experience it while they’re still young.

They were all thinking of costumes to wear and Max suggested he and Liam go as Batman and Robin, which was perfect. This then inspired Zayn, for he and Gaby to go as The Joker and Poison Ivy.

“So Gaby and Baba are evil, and me and you are good,” Max had said happily when they all settled on the idea.

 

“Remember guys, don’t walk too far ahead and don’t be selfish and if either of you start a fight, we’re going straight home. Understood?”

“Yes, Daddy.” They all say at once, including Zayn who is wearing an obvious smirk, thinking he’s funny. Liam snorts, though there is a tiny smile at his lips.

One hour later, thirty houses visited and two tantrums down—they’re finally home. Liam is holding Gaby in his arms, her hands around his neck, snuggling into him.

They’re over tired and sick from all the lollies they had. Liam gives Gaby’s pumpkin to Zayn so he can hide it. Gaby starts to cry, “Please can I have it back.”

“Tomorrow,” Liam says, comforting her and taking her upstairs to the bathroom for bath time.

Max is behind Liam, slowly lagging behind and yawning.

“Did you have fun guys?” Liam asks, getting their bath ready.

“I want to be Robin forever,” Max yawns out.

“You are, deep down.” Liam offers, removing his costume. He leaves the mask on when Max begins to whine.

Zayn comes up and helps with bath time, washing Gaby’s hair and removing her make up. “Do I look good with red hair, Baba?”

Zayn nods, “Beautiful. But I prefer brown hair.”

“Like daddy,” Gaby yawns. Liam looks up and Zayn’s staring at him, a soft smile on his lips.

“Yeah, darling,” He turns back around. “Just like, daddy.”

Once the kids are bathed—and a deep persuasion with Max to take off his Mask, the kids are finally in bed.

 

Even though they’ve moved houses, Max and Gaby still wanted to share a room. However Max’s room is next door with all his toys and clothes, just missing a bed which is beside Gaby’s.

Zayn and Liam go down the corridor to their room, falling into bed, tired themselves.

“That was fun,” Zayn announces.

Liam hums in agreement. “You look sexy as a joker.”

“I bet Batman and The Joker fucked in the untold series.” Zayn jokes.

“That’s why The Joker hated Batman, ‘cause he wanted to fuck him so much.”

“You should write this series, I’ll publish it for you.” Zayn laughs.

“Speaking of, how’d the meeting go with the potential client?” Liam asks, turning around on his side to stare at Zayn.

Zayn does the same, staring at Liam with a weird look. “I think she wants to sign with me. But she has her reservations.”

“Why?”

Zayn sighs, “I’m my own business now. I don’t work for a large company who has a name for themselves. I need to build my own name and she thinks she won’t be recognized if she signs with me.”

“She’d be stupid not to,” Liam says. “Let her speak to your other client, his book has been published and sold.” Liam points out.

“Yeah,” Zayn utters, “but no more work talk, it’s a mood killer.”

“What do you suggest we do instead then?” Liam teases. Zayn raises his eyebrow.

 

“You a good boy, Zayn?”

Zayn moans, letting his head fall in between his arms. He sticks his arse out more, needy for Liam’s fingers to go deeper.

Liam stops moving his fingers and Zayn turns around, ready to beg for him to continue.  “Please, Mr Payne, give me more.”

“You’ve been a bad student though.” Liam has his finger stuck on his prostate. Zayn feels his body begin to shake, his breathing go faster. He always becomes like this when Liam fucks him, plays with him when they enter these fun roles. They continue to explore new kinks in their sex life, and Zayn wonders what there is he wouldn’t do for his Liam.

“I’m a good student, please give me another finger.” Zayn pleads, fluttering his eyes at Liam.

Liam shakes his head fondly and leans down, kissing him on his spine. He begins to move his fingers again, before adding a fourth one alongside the rest. Zayn groans, the stretch making him feel open and exposed and fucking ready to take whatever Liam is willing to give.

“Feels good? “Liam asks, his tone filled with kindness.

Zayn nods his head and fucks himself down onto Liam’s digits, filled with a selfish need for _more_.

“You’re so stretched around me, baby,” Liam admires. Zayn makes a sound. He loves when Liam talks to him, gets all vocal and dirty, making him feel special.

“Look at your arse just swallowing my fingers. Keep going like this and you’ll be able to take my whole fist one day.” Zayn drops down onto his arms, unable to hold himself up any longer, so turned on by the thought of having Liam’s hand completely inside of him, stretched for Liam, being good for Liam, _everything_ Liam.

“I’m gonna come,” Zayn whines. He can’t control himself, all these thoughts are coming to his mind and Liam has pressure on his prostate and the tingly feeling is making its way up to his stomach and Zayn wants to be good and not come, but—

“Daddy, Baba! I think I heard a monster.” Gaby cries, barging into the room clutching her blankie and going onto her tippy toes to turn the light on.

“Fuck,” Liam calls out, just as Zayn turns around and falls of the bed.  “Ouch,” He whispers.

Liam quickly hops off the bed and grabs his boxers from the bathroom. When he walks back into the room Gaby is staring down at Zayn who’s looking up at her with smile on his face. “Why are you on the floor, Baba?”

“You scared me, babe.”

“Gaby, let me go see your room and check for monsters.”

Gaby fiercely shakes her head, “no, I’m not going back in there. I want to sleep with you, Please daddy.”

Her eyes are filled with tears and Liam walks over picking her up into his arms. “Of course, baby girl.”

“Liam,” Zayn calls from the ground, blanket wrapped around his waist. Oh right.

“I’m going to turn off the light and put the lamp on okay?” Liam tells Gaby. She just nods her head, already dozing off to sleep.

Liam lays Gaby down in the middle of the bed, putting the blanket over her body and fixing the pillows up.

“Did that just happen,” Zayn giggles softly pulling up his boxers.

Liam can’t stop laughing. “I’m still in shock,” Liam whispers.

 

“Gaby’s missing!” Zayn and Liam jump, turning to see Max at the door, face filled with panic.

“No, no she’s here.” Zayn reassures. He picks Max up, bringing him to edge of the bed.

“Gaby’s safe,” Max asks, eyes already fluttering close.

“She’s safe,” Zayn whispers as he puts Max down beside Gaby, whose fallen back asleep.

Liam and Zayn admire their children from the end of the bed, their tiny growing bodies fitting beside one another.

“We didn’t even come.” Zayn suddenly whispers.

Liam tries to hold back his laughter, Zayn does the same but the both end up laughing louder anyway.

 

 

“Liam,” Zayn whispers in the darkness. 

“Yeah,” Liam says. He turns around and sits up against the headboard a bit, looking over to Zayn.

Zayn is staring at him, both their silhouettes clear in the darkness.

“I love you,” Zayn says louder now.

“I love you too.” Liam chimes.

Zayn looks down to Gaby and Max who are sleeping soundly, their bodies snuggled against their fathers and one another. He looks up to Liam and feels complete in every way. Zayn wakes up every morning and the first thing that comes to his mind is his family and the last thing before he drifts off into sleep is his family. Zayn thinks, if you were able to remember your dreams, his would be about his family. 

“I just,” Zayn begins, never knowing how to show his love for Liam without feeling like it will trigger what happened in the past, maybe be used against him in a way. “I’ve known you since I was nineteen and getting coffee with you that day is the best decision I ever made.”

“Yeah,” Liam whispers.

“I just want you to know, like, this, me and you and what I feel will never go away. And all these fears I have about the future and where we or the kids may end up, they just disappear when I think of you beside me. I know what we have, is forever.”

 Zayn feels Liam’s hand come around to touch him, he leans into the warmth, the firmness of his hold making him feel safe and secure.

“Forever.”  Liam chimes.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Comments mean a lot :) 
> 
> P.S I hope there wasn't a lot of mistakes, this is the most words I've ever written and it becomes all jumbled up in the end. 
> 
> Thank you for reading though.


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